Flesh, Blood, and Bone
by Bolinlover123
Summary: Frustrated by his failing Pro-bending career, and jealous of his brother's seemingly constant success as a cop, Bolin tries to find a way to become stronger and a mysterious man named Shu has the answer. However, Bolin is soon forced to consider betraying Mako in exchange for this dark skill. Will he choose flesh and blood, or the cold snap of bone?
1. Prologue- Dry as Dust

Note: A special thanks to '_Jokermask18_' for helping me out, and giving me some ideas and inspiration for this story! You're awesome, man! :)

* * *

_"Every act of rebellion expresses a nostalgia for innocence and an appeal to the essence of being."_

-Albert Camus

* * *

_Republic City: fifteen years ago_

* * *

Crunches of bones, and the pleading whimpers of the victim were echoing and bouncing off the moldy walls of the alleyway, the only lights visible through the dark were the evil gleam in the Earth Kingdom man's razor-sharp green eyes. He drank in his prey's pain, the particular angle of the poor man's arm made him squirm with delight, and- _yes._

Everything was going just according to plan.

"Like this, Master Shu?" the young Earthbender boy asked his teacher, as he flicked his wrist, and cocked his arm just so, creating a tremor in the victim's leg, just enough for a little _snap_ to be heard.

The poor soul cried out, and crumbled to the dusted ground.

Shu felt the corners of his mouth curl up, he could feel the iron and copper shifting through the man's bones, trying to repair the damage.

"Keep going, Jin." he replied, studying their enemy's twitching form, "You are doing _splendid_ so far. Can you sense the iron in his bones?" he breathed in deeply, closing his eyes, "It's as pure as the earth."

"Yes, Master Shu." Jin monotoned, not a flicker of emotion passing on the boy's face.

"_P-please..." _the man begged, "Stop...I-I'll do anything! I-"

_"Gahhhhh!_" He was stunned into a pained cry as his other leg crumbled with a crunch, tears stinging his eyes.

"W-what..._what are you...?_" the man breathed, before his world went blank, and his whole body stilled.

He never made another sound again.

"Justice." Shu stated evenly.

"Come, Jin. The night is young." Jin followed his mentor's orders, turning briskly on his heals, without so much as a glance back.

The boy and the sadistic man walked into the shadows, leaving no trace they were even there.

* * *

"Mother, times like these I wish you were here to give me advice. You always took better care of this city and its people than I ever could..." Lin Beifong muttered as she took in the gruesome sight before her.

The victim's body lay grotesque in the alleyway, glistening white bones and flesh sticking out through the skin at angles bones should never be. The blood blossoming at the joints as if some kind of rabid animal pulled every joint and tendon simultaneously.

In all Lin's years of working under her mother, and since Toph had passed, Lin had never seen such a gruesome sight.

She closed her eyes solemnly in respect, and bowed her head. "May the Spirits bless you."

Just then, an Officer calling her name, came from behind.

"Oh, Cheif Beifong, there you are!" Officer Ning stated grimly,"Chang and Ya Mung scouted with thier groups up and down the North and East sides, but could not find any evidence supporting the killing was planned, or who the possible suspect could be. What would you like us to do next, Ma'am?"

Lin sighed, and shook her head, not wanting to admit the possible knowledge that she could possibly know what kind of person did this. But if she told her fellow Officers, news would spread far and wide. Panic would spread. Panic caused carelessness, and carelessness caused death.

"Ma'am?" Ning asked again.

Ning was a nice man, always taking orders seriously and getting the job done; recently replacing an officer and getting a raise, but never without an amiable smile on his face that helped anyone.

Now, Ning forced his eyes upon the body and stiffened his jaw to fight back the bile threatening to rise up. He couldn't get emotional on the job; he was trained to handle all kinds of situations, but somehow, this type of killing chilled him to the bone.

Lin watched as Ning closed his eyes in respect, and gently took his red scarf from his neck, and pulled it over his nose. Yes, an Earthbender with a red scarf; Lin would be lying if she said she had'nt been a tad curious as to why he wore it when she first met Ning two years ago, but soon found out about his marriage to a Fire Nation woman named Azara, and grew to find the couple very sweet and loving people. She had met their oldest son a few months ago, who was almost three, taking after Azara in her Fire Nation heritage; all crimson eyes and soft cheeks with jet black hair. They had recently had a new baby about a year ago, a green-eyed boy whose hair and dimples matched Ning on his best days. Lin knew when their boy's were older, they were sure to be benders, and strong ones at that.

If she was being honest with herself, Lin would say a small part of her envied what Ning had; a beautiful wife, two healthy little boys, love, a home. If Ning hadn't been married and she hadn't been so focused on her work, she might have even tried to go out of her way to get the good looking, sweet-hearted man's attention enough to maybe do...an activity together.

But she couldn't, so there was no use dreaming up such nonsense fantasies, no matter how much Ning's green eyes, and huge, easy smile made her heart swell.

She was Lin BeiFong. She had a city to take care of.

"Cheif? Are you alright?" Lin blinked, snapping out of her trance, and looking away from the body now. She cleared her throat, "Yes, Officer Ning, thank you for your report. Tell Chang's group to do a sweep on the West Side before doubling back. Meet back at Head Quarters once you get the scene taped off."

"Yes, Ma'am." Ning saluted. Then after a minute, "...Ma'am?"

"What is it?" Lin tried not to sound too harsh.

"Who do you think could have done something like this? This killing...it doesn't seem normal." his voice was think and Lin could hear him swallow, "The way the body is...it's like every single bone was broken by someone." he stated, voice deep with seriousness and worry, "I know someone did this, and my home is not too far from here. I just want to know I can keep my family safe from whatever maniacs are out there. I have two little boys at home. You can understand that, right?"

She couldn't really, though. She dug her heel into the dirt to calm herself. Images of her mother and a scene very similar to this, flashing through her mind from years ago.

"I might have some idea what kind of person did this. I'm not certain of it, though." she replied.

"You do?" Ning's think brows shot up to his blank curls.

Lin stared straight ahead, boring her eyes into the alleyway, gaze grim and far away. "About five years ago. My mother came across a case just like this, body nearly in the same condition."

"And," Ning breathed, "did she come to a conclusion?"

Lin could feel her joints stiffen. She looked the victim straight in his soulless eyes. Her voice came out a whisper.

_"Bonebending."_


	2. Bone of Contention

"Bolin! Wake up!"

"_Ahhh!_ What! Ughh..."

Said younger brother was startled out of his slumber by the pillow being thrown at him, "_C'mon_," Mako scolded, "You're gonna be late for practice! You're the captain, and you live here, so you don't have an excuse! What would your teammates think?"

"That they have better things to do than humiliate themselves..." Bolin muttered into his pillow, the feathers squashing his words.

"What?" Mako asked, "You know I can't hear you when you mumble. Come on, up!"

Bolin groaned, "Alright!" he exclaimed, turning upright in an annoyed huff, "Spirits, not everyone rises with the sun like you!"

"The sun's not even up yet."

"Then why in the world am _I_?!" he threw his pillow back.

"Because you're determined to achieve what you want. Hurry up; I made breakfast, and it'll get cold if you aren't fast."

"Yeah..." he sighed, rubbing his eyes, "Thanks, Mako."

Mako kissed Bolin's head quickly, "No problem. Eat it all, and I'll see you after work. Have a good day!" he called as he went down stairs, "Love you!"

"Love you, too!"

Bolin glanced around wearily at their empty bedroom as Pabu chirped. "Hey, buddy..." he scratched the ferret behind the ears, "Let's see how long it takes to break something in the training room today, huh? Hopefully the net won't catch fire like last week." Bolin blew a breath of air our of his lips with a pop.

"This should be reeeeaaaalllll fun."

.

One week later, his humiliation is slapped on the front cover of the '_Republic City Times'_ in bold print for the world see: '_Fire Ferrets' fastest knockout in Pro-bending history. They sure don't make Ferrets like they used to. "Fresh and Juicy" is now all washed out.'_

Down a few inches, is Mako's triumphant face, donned in sparking Police badge, and off to the side, Zolt's vengeful scowl behind metal bars, is printed in glossy 15 by 22in ink.

It's the same day Mako gets his raise, a note taped to the kitchen sink says he's going out to dinner with the guys at the station in celebration.

Coincidentally the same day- or questionably so- the Waterbender and Firebender drop thier gear at the door to the apartment, deeming to have quit '_this sports thing.'_

He bids them goodbye before slamming the door with a forced smile on his face. _Good riddance_, the bitter part of him says.

He looks at the night sky, declaring Mako not due to be back from 'dinner with the guys' until about seven, and goes out into the streets, high on shame and anger, and his inferiority complex.

He destroys every newspaper he finds.

* * *

Bolin loved his brother more than life itself, that much was certain.

His love and gratitude for Mako could not be put into words.

But things kept adding up, what with his now nonexistent team, and Mako's steadily increasing success as a cop- Bolin felt like more of a failure than he ever did in his life.

It wasn't that he didn't know Mako loved him, because he did. And it wasn't like he wasn't happy for his brother, because he was. With his whole heart in soul, Bolin was proud for his brother. So proud in fact, because for the first time in thier lives, Mako was _happy._ So happy and actually _living_ life, instead of just _breathing._

With all the hell they've been through, Boin knew Mako _deserved_ this. Mako _deserved_ this job and success, and he _deserved_ Korra, and all this promise that these things brought for his future when life use to mean nothing but trying to see the next morning.

Mako and Korra and Asami were so _happy,_ and life seemed to be showing all of them great opportunity.

So Bolin didn't know what he was doing wrong.

He wished someone would come along and give him a sign. Point in a direction and say, _'There, there, it's alright. Just start here, and going in 'this' direction. You'll figure it out soon enough.'_

But that's what parents were for. What brothers were for.

And lately he wasn't sure if he ever had the latter anymore.

He just wished someone could tell him what he was supposed to be feeling.

He didn't understand why he felt so sad and alone, when all his friends were so happy.

Shouldn't he be happy, too?

He felt selfish. He felt selfish and dirty and useless and alone and sad.

But he was _supposed_ to be happy.

Then why wasn't he?

.

He got home that night, his hands stained with ink, and fingers stinging with cuts from mauling newspapers, to find Mako back from his dinner, sitting on the couch.

Mako shown question in his gaze when his amber eyes met Bolin's messy hands, and the older boy's smile dripped regret and pity when he turned away from the bending helmets that lay upside-down by the table.

Mako didn't verbally ask, so Bolin gave no answer.

The silence between them was unusually stiff, and Bolin slowly moved to wash his hands in the sink, wincing slighting when the water hit the paper cuts.

Mako cleared his throat awkwardly, "I brought you back some dinner. It's in the fridge. Some spicy roast duck."

Bolin kept washing his hands. "Thanks."

Silence, Mako cautious with watching the stiffness of his brother's back and the grim tone of his voice.

"Want me to warm it up for you?"

"No thanks." Water off, "Not hungry. Just gonna turn in early."

Mako sighed and gazed over at the helmets again, the ripped up paper in the garbage gaining his own share of feelings from the newly infamous headline.

"Bo...Wanna talk about it?" he asked, concern palpable.

"You should shower now before the water gets turned off for the night. Toza said there's been a problem with the plumbing."

Pabu gives a sad little squeak and runs up Mako's arm.

Another sigh and pitying face, "It wasn't your fault, you know. You tried your best. Talk to me, Bo. Ignoring it isn't gonna make it go away."

"That's not what you thought or told me when Mom and Dad died."

The words are hot and merciless, but leave his mouth like a Spirit.

He can hear Mako's sharp intake of breath, practically feel Mako's heart fall a bit.

He smiles slightly, from where his back is turned. And somehow, he doesn't regret his words.

_"Bolin..."_

"I'm tired. I'll see you in the morning. Or maybe not, considering justice never sleeps."

Bolin turn on his heels, heading up stairs to his bedroom before he has time to see or hear Mako's reaction.

Mako's smiling face stains his mind like ink in his dreams, and the light from his badge blinds him like fire.

He falls into a laughing, booing crowed of people that chew him up, thier eyes shining like spotlights, and he tries to crawl into the Pro-bending field, but its turned to water and he's '_all washed up'_!

He wakes up in a cold sweat, the night sky black against the back of his salty eyelids.

He springs from the bed, and goes into the gym.

In anger, he chucks earth disks at the wall until his knuckles start to bleed, and a concerning sized dent makes him control himself.

It's the first night he feels the envy-fueled monster rise up inside him, and it wouldn't be the last.

For the first time ever, he hates the color green.

* * *

_"If war comes upon us, it will come as a thief in the night."_

_-_Eamon de Valera

* * *

_Ten Years ago: Republic City, Central City Station. Midnight_

* * *

Shu looked up with a twist of his lips as the huge clock's bell echoed around the station, signaling the darkest hour of the night. He gazed ahead as a figure slowly dipped out of the shadows, amber eyes piercing through the darkness.

_"On Ji._"

The shadowed man stepped closer, pushing back his hood, reveling razer-sharp amber orbs, and raven-hair. He stretched out his hand, creating a crackle of red-orange pulsing flames, illuminating his body with an eerie light. A red tattoo in the shape of a dragon inked his right shoulder, seen from where the wind tussled his cloak, and a faint scar nicked the edge of his left eyebrow.

The said man smiled a charismatic grin that dripped evil pleasure. "That _is_ what they call me." he cracked his neck, "Did you bring the yuans?"

"No." Shu said simply, and On Ji's smile twitched.

"I pegged you as an honest man, Shu." The Firebender taunted,"Never one to go back on a his word, especially with a request such as this. Perhaps I underestimated you."

"Oh, make no mistake, On Ji, you will get your reward." Shu stated, the wind around them silencing, "But not until you complete your task, and I see to it that is was done _properly_." Shu flicked his wrist, and the Firebenders's flame fizzled out, the bones in his fingers and wrist flinching painfully. "Take me for foolish again, and I make your yuans having to invest in a prosthetic limb, understand?" his threatening voice sliced though the darkness.

On Ji winced, and nodded, stretching out his hand once the evil hold was lifted, "Yes, sir." he replied with a slight tremor of fear.

"_Good._" Shu flicked a piece of ash off his suit absentmindedly. "Now, we must make sure the attack is tomorrow night. Rumor in the Police Station is that Ning has been bragging all week about his raise tomorrow, since he is just so good at _everything_ he does." Shu remarked sarcastically, "But I wouldn't know, since they fired me and put that_ little mud-pie in my spot!_" the ground shook slightly in Shu's outburst, but he quietly collected himself. "A little birdy told me that he and his family have reservations at Haru's Earth Kingdom Tavern tomorrow night at seven in celebration of his earning..."

On Ji raised an eyebrows, "Psh, someone's getting mighty fancy."

"Indeed. Even a tad over priced for me." Shu's voice was smooth and sadistic, "So how about we let the lovely family have one last super before they die? It's the least we can do." The fake sympathy in Shu was rich even to himself, and he laughed at how horrible he was.

"I couldn't agree more." On Ji's new flame spat and popped with delight, "But what about the boys? Should I kill the brats, too?" On Ji considered the extra cash two dead children would get him.

"Hmm. No bother." Shu mused after a minute, crushing a rock in his hand with an almost board expression,"No sense making it look too suspicious. Besides, if this upcoming storm pulls through as predicted, they won't even survive the week. The younger one's not even a bender; quite pathetic, I'd say." Shu laughed. "Serves Ning right having a weak non-bender, and not the perfect little Earthbender he hoped for."

On Ji's eyes glistened with a need to kill, "I couldn't agree more." he said, "But, Shu?"

"Yes...?"

"What if the boys _do_ survive?"

Shu cackled, seeming to find that hilarious, "On Ji, my good fellow, you worry too much. Don't tell me you're getting soft on me."

"I'm not. Just wanting everything to go as planned. No searches from the police."

"That _is_ why I hired you, is it not?" Shu's voice grew dark, "I guess I misunderstood when they told me you were one of the greatest killers in the Triads. But, if you think you are incapable, I assume I could give the task and hefty 10,000 yuans to someone else..."

"No, sir!" On Ji bowed instantly, showing respect, "You have not misunderstood. I will show no mercy, mark my words!"

"_Perfect."_ Shu purred, "And if those runts even do, somehow, by the Spirits manage _not_ to die, well," Shu shrugged, "Ning's poor little boys will just have to toughen up and live without Mommy and Daddy. Life's hard and has no mercy. They'll learn that soon enough."

On Ji felt the sadistic pleasure tickle his veins. This was going to be So. Much. Fun.

"How loud should their screams be?"

"Ohhhh...surprise me, would you? I could use some good entertainment..." The madman clucked his tongue. "Make sure to mug the couple's belongings, too. Harder to identify the bodies with." Shu licked his lips, "Do this job right, and you will get your pay, as promised."

"Of course. Any last requests, sir?" The Firebender asks, setting an old box on the ground on fire and watching the flames dance.

Shu looked On Ji dead on, the emerald in his eyes darkening.

_"Let them burn."_

* * *

_Present Day: Republic City, Republic City Police Station._

* * *

Across the city, in a huge building marked by a statued hero whose blind eyes watched over all, Chief Lin Beifong sat in her office.

Another swipe of the ink glided atop smoothed-over parchment paper, and a slight crinkle as the sheet gets deftly placed atop the seemingly never-ending stack, deems her work nearly done for the day. A sigh escapes her and whispers through the empty office of the station; the bitter smell of oil and metal from the endless line of armor, and cables, and weapons, wafts up like the wind. The scent always used to soothe her, and now she can't help but associate that smell with loss, and wishes the statue's eyes could see how much she is missed.

Footsteps down the hall-approximately twelve feet away and fast approaching, male, size nine, and clad in metal-tipped protective boots-startle her out of her thoughts.

The door opens, and a bearded tired-eyed officer stands in the threshold.

"Siakhan? I thought you went home already. Don't you know what time it is?" Lin spins on her chair, arms crossed over chest.

The man bows in respect. "Forgive me for interrupting, Chief. I was on my way out when I came across something."

The man strides across the room, handing Lin an envelope with sheets stinking out.

"Just...look at the first page, Ma'am. It's not good." he says grimly, lips in a fine line.

Lin flicks the folder open, idly licking her thumb and begins reading the report.

After a minute, she gasps, her bones going cold.

"_No..._" she breathes, "He can't be back..."

Lin looks up at her officer, and both pairs of green eyes meet. The fear in both thier stomachs, threatening to chill them to the bone.

"But he _is_, Chief. And he won't stop until he gets what he wants." Saikhan says,"Who knows where he'll strike next. And until then, all the people of this city, are in danger."

* * *

**Hey, everyone! Please tell me what you think! :) I know Bolin is a little OOC here, but that is kinda my intention, and this story is rated "T" so it will get dark later on! :)**

**I didn't realize until after how much Shu and Bolin's jealousy of Ning and Mako parallel...woops! But I kinda like it, I think I might go into that a little more...  
**

**I also didn't realized until now how I kinda made made Ning ( the bros' dad) a mixture of both of them...**

**Hmmmm...I really wanna make this a good story, and am gonna try to do this in a different style than I am used to, by trying to describe more action, as apposed to feelings. Action is something I have to work on, so any questions, comments, and concerns are welcome!**

**Thanks again, and please review!**

**Take care :D**


	3. Hamartia

_-And I thought to myself_  
_We all want what we cant have_  
_It's enough to drive you mad_  
_Make you happy, make you sad_  
_Aint it crazy, we all want what we cant have-_

Warren Brothers - 'What We Can't Have'

* * *

_Hamartia: a fatal flaw, decision which led to one's own demise, irredeemable_

* * *

It's two days after the newspaper-mauling- induced-frenzy, Mako's raise, and the whole shame-of-the-now-nonexistent-Fire-Ferrets, and they both have yet to talk about it. Or to each other really, mostly due to Bolin's part.

If Bolin were being honest with himself, he'd admit he's been avoiding his brother. But since Mako rises before the crack of dawn and Bolin made a- now tad regrettably harsh- effort to not be home at the same time as his brother, he found himself wondering through the city streets alone.

And he still had no idea why.

As Bolin reared another corner, shoes heavy and sloshing with water, he wove his way through the sea of people on the sidewalk. He made room for himself, slipping in between the skirts and pulled-up collars, breathing in the familiar bitter scent of smog that wafted from the factories. The air was think with ash and the humidity made his collar morph to the back of his neck.

The annoying news people shouting by stands about prices of sales, new styles of robes, the best bending schools to send your kids, and other things that didn't apply to him, were drowned out by the patter of the sidewalk writing an earth-engraved pattern on his feet, and the pit in his stomach.

The balming sun in his eyes, and relentless heat of summer dissipating the grease off the sidewalks, made his blood boil.

Welcome to Republic City.

The Fire Nation in him sizzled, but the merciless pit in his stomach picked at his insides- and for once, it wasn't due to hunger from lack of food.

It was a _Hunger._

A Hunger deep inside him that craved for everything he lacked, gnawing with a verbal cry of anguish at how he couldn't be _better, stronger, faster._

_Like Mako._

Ever since he could remember, people were always fascinated with Mako, as if he himself were a shadow. The Triads said Mako was a 'naturally gifted firebender'. Everyone on the streets wanted to be friends with Mako, or wanted him dead. He was always trailing behind Mako like his scarf in the wind; too weak and timid to do anything but let Mako protect him. When they entered Pro-bending, it was all_, Wow, look at the Fire Ferrets' Firebender Mako go! This kids got moxy, folks, and he did it all by himself, taking care of a little brother to boot. Some are just born lucky._

Some are born lucky.

Others are lucky to be born.

Right now, a depressing darkness weighed on Bolin's shoulders, threatening so consume him as he kept walking, walking, walking, away from home and anywhere to get his mind off things.

As he gets to the square in the center of town, he feels a pair of eyes watching him.

Call it paranoia or whatever, but he knew that man was watching him; the emerald eyes trailing him as Bolin tried not to glance back, and make his way to Fire Lord Zuko's statue where the other street kids were playing.

Sure enough, from the corner of his vision, he could spot the green-eyed man; eyes blinking rapidly as if in disbelief, and mouth hanging open slightly.

If this guy meant trouble, if he was with the Triads-which by his less-that- rich appearance and seemingly growing concern with him and street kids-then Bolin would have to be cautious.

But something-some _feeling_ inside him that Bolin could not pinpoint-made him finally turn and look the man straight in the eyes.

Time seemed to stop for a moment, something in Bolin's bones going stiff.

_"N-ning...?"_

The unfamiliar name to Bolin left the man's lips like a ghost. The way the one syllable trailed off in the wind, seemed to spark a bitter feeling inside Bolin, locked deep within the years of innocence.

Something important, and it boggled Bolin's mind that he didn't know what it was.

"N-no...it _can't_ be you..." the man whispered. He shook his head and closed his eyes with a grimace, spinning away and going down the alley.

_Go after him. Don't let him get away._

Some voice whispered in Bolin's mind, conquering up a blurry flash of a red scarf and fuzzy, stubbly kisses. Someone with strong, smooth hands that had worked and cooked and hoisted him up, high on broad shoulders, and ran around the yard so he would feel he was flying, with the same hands that had tucked him in at night.

Then the flash was gone.

Bolin flung up from the ground, and raced down the alley.

"Wait!" he called, spotting the man ahead, "Sir! Stop, please!"

The man looked behind him, finally stopping, a cautious look on his face.

The man blinked, "I am sorry, young man. I thought you were someone else."

Bolin chuckled awkwardly, "It's alright, sir. Um...are you okay?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you okay?" Bolin asked again, "You seemed really upset about something."

"Oh, um. Yes, I am quite alright, thank you..." the man's eyes trailed him up and down, and Bolin felt a tad awkward.

"Sir?"

The man cleared his throat and looked at Bolin's face again, "...May I ask you your name, son?"

"My name? I'm 'Bolin'."

Shu visibly paled, a distant look in his eyes. "_Bolin..._"

"Um, yes? Sir, you seem a bit ill. Would you like me to take you home or something...?"

The man shook his head, "Bolin, I know this might, ah...sound a bit odd, and I do not mean anything by it...But, do you happen to be, um..._Fire Nation_, by any chance?"

Bolin blinked, slightly taken a back. Whenever it was realized that he was half Fire Nation growing up, normally harassment and sharp insults were to fallow. It was bad enough that the Fire Nation, -even non-bender ones- were still looked down upon and ridiculed following seventy-years after the war. But anyone with a speck of fire in their blood, especially 'half breeds' who were considered to be _impure, _weren't given a break_._

The fact that he was asked out right if he was Fire Nation, without any implications based on Mako, or the food, or whatever classified him as a 'sulfur-sucker', needless to say, shocked him.

"Um..." Bolin began uneasily, "Yes I am...Half, from my mother's side. She was a Firebender..."

"Was?" the man asked, seeming to not miss a beat now, "What happened?"

"Y-yes..._was_. Um..." Bolin looked down, a sadness taking his tone, not knowing why he was explaining this to an old, strange man. But if the Spirits were granting him this man as a way to express his currently growing frustrations and loneliness, then so be it. It was better than lamenting to Pabu.

"My brother and I lost our parents ten years ago to a Firebender mugger. He killed them right in front of us. My brother was eight, and I was six. Our father was an Earthbender; I guess I take after him...But I'm not very good. At anything, really," Bolin's voice trailed off, throat hoarse. He rubbed a hand across his face, ruffly, "I'm sorry, sir...I-I don't know why I'm telling you this. I'll just leave you alone, now...

The man mumbled something under his breath, but then, slowly, a smile crept across his face.

Something was a bit unsettling about that smile; it seemed not to be expressed by pure joy, but from amusement in something much more sinister.

"Now, now, Bolin..." The man put a hand on Bolin's shoulder, "No need to fear. My name is Shu."

"Shu?" Bolin asked, a wonder coming in his eyes, "...Like from the city!? You've been to Omashu?!"

"Indeed, I was born and raised there. It is wondrous." Shu declared, "Now, Bolin, I'm sure you're a better Earthbender than you think..." Shu seemed to consider after a moment, "How would you like to be taught under me? I can teach you the _real_ needy gritty traditional moves. You'll be a master in no time! Say...meet me at the Central Station at noon tomorrow?"

Bolin gasped with excitement, "Really!? You mean it!? You'll teach me... just like that?"

"Oh, course, Bolin." Shu smiled, "I've been looking for young pupils to carry out my work. It is my passion to teach others what I know. Just call me 'Master Shu'."

Bolin bowed in respect, forcing himself to not hug the man and be mature, "Thank you, Master Shu! I am willing to learn everything! I won't let you down!"

"Oh, I know you won't, son." Shu purred, patting Bolin on the head, "But, Bolin?"

Said new student looked up.

"You must not tell anyone about me or our lessons, alright? Not even your brother."

"Oh..." Bolin said, "Okay, but why not?"

"Why, because a master never reveals his secrets, of course!" Shu stated, and Bolin's eyes glistened in awe, "If the world knew about what we could do, and what makes us so great, we wouldn't be the best, now would we? And you _do_ want to be the best, don't you, Bolin? I could make you _great_!" Shu exclaimed, latching a hand to Bolin's shoulder, feeling his wonderful bones swimming with rich copper.

"Y-yes, I want to be better- great, even." Bolin said, looking away with a doubt in his tone, "I just...want to stop feeling so _useless_."

Shu chuckled, a laugh that he hoped was endearing, "My boy, you are anything but 'useless'. You must give yourself more credit. I sense greatness in you."

"You do...?" Bolin perked up a bit.

"Indeed. Like all great Earthbenders can use their chi to sense what others cannot, I feel it in you."

"You mean...like Cheif BeiFong? How she can tell what's really there with her feet?"

Shu flinched, bristling slightly at the mention of that weasel-snake who started it all. But, he quickly composed himself, flashing a grin.

"...Yes..." Shu sniffed, "You will no longer be 'Bolin the Orphan'! I can make you 'Bolin the Great'!"

"R-really? Well, when you put it that way...It _does_ sound great!" Bolin smiled back, laughing a bit.

"Yes." Shu bowed, years of experience shining off him, "Greatness only speaks to those who are willing and deserving. No one must know, but us. So...tomorrow at noon, then?"

"Yes, sir!" Bolin nearly jumped in the air, "Oh, I mean, _'Master Shu'_!" See you then, and thanks again!" he called as he ran off.

"Oh, don't thank me, son, " Shu purred darkly, as he relished in the youthful sensation in Bolin's strong bones that still tingled his insides with pleasure, "Thank dear old daddy..."

"Ning, Ning, Ning..." Shu 'tsked' and looked to the sky with a carismic smirk, "If you're going to make it this easy, what's the fun in that? That was almost too rich to handle. The boy's got your looks; like a mirror image, I can tell you that...but his naïvety and trustworthiness is like a six-year old." he stated.

"Oh. _Right." _the cackle that left Shu's mouth was enough the scare the spider-rats away, a danger attaching their senses.

.

The Police will report that moments later, out of nowhere, near Central Square, an earthquake shakes the ground, trembling the pavement and making it known to all. Officers are dumbfounded as to how or when the quake manifested, as no Earthbenders, Triad or civilian, were seen at the time.

The scene where the rumble took effect, is soon after noted to not be damaged by any cracks in the earth, no scar faulting the ground, showing the earth's anger.

It's as if the Spirits' cried in warning, some people reported who had been victim to the strange shake at the time. Never in Republic City's history had nature betrayed its people like this.

Different view points are shared. Prayers are recited to the Spirits, temples opened for worship.

Earthbenders are kept under a critical, watchful eye for the time being, despite the spiritual theories.

Shu couldn't be happier.

Bolin couldn't be more weary.

* * *

He's too afraid and excited to sleep that night; the covers tangled around him in a nerves mess of cloth.

He sees green eyes across his vision, a man in a metalbending uniform, with a serious, yet kind face. A woman clad in the same, with short, gray hair calls his name; _Ning!_ She's holding a red piece of something, looking at another green-eyed man who smiles with evil pleasure and chills him to the bone.

_Anger_

_Fear_

_Pain_

He feels anger in the dream. Anger and envy so strong as if it were his own emotions, a loneliness, and-

_"Ning!"_

He springs up in bed in a cold sweat, breaths panting.

From the other side of the room, Mako groans and flips over to face him, "Ggggghhh...Bolin...? Y'okay, bro?"

He sucks in a deep breath to calm himself. "Um, I-I...yeah, Mako, I'm fine. Sorry I woke you."

Mako rubs his face, "Y'sure?" he slurs.

He nods, "I'm sure, big bro. Go back to sleep."

"M'kay..."

And the Firebender was out in an instant.

Mako could even _sleep_ better than him. And he had an actual job, and a girlfriend, and life, and stress!

Bolin stuffs his face in his pillow, and imagines himself, for one moment, not messing something up.

_You really have a knack for getting into stupid situations, you know that?!_

He flings the covers off, wide awake now, and heads down the hall.

Sometimes when he can't sleep, he goes into the bathroom and stares at himself in the mirror; boring holes into his soul, willing his mind to remember something, _anything_ of those first five years. Thinking that if he stares at the green of his eyes hard enough, another pair will stare back at him; them belonging to a father he never knew. He doesn't know how many nights he's done this, the sleepless hours growing more frequent, but it's the torture he deserves.

Mako says he looks like Dad; the same curly hair and wide jaw, the same glistening smile. Then why can't the mirror show him that? Why can't _he_ see that?

He thinks maybe the mirror is lying.

Tonight he asks the mirror:

_Who is Ning?_

His own face still stares back at him.

* * *

Shu doesn't teach him earthbending the first day.

He says that, in order to learn, one must have the right mindset first.

"One must be as tough and resilient as the ground that he wishes to bend." Shu's voice is smooth like a diamond,"Only then, will you have power over it."

Bolin considers, "O-okay...so how do I be tough?"

"You must first harden your heart, and train your mind to endure all. If you are not hard, anything can break you."

Bolin wasn't sure where this was going, "Hard? You mean, hard as in the earth?"

Shu shakes his head, "Perhaps...If that is what you believe."

"Master," Bolin sighs, "I'm sorry. I am not sure if I'm following..."

"Let us try another method, then." Shu muses, picking up a rock and crushing it in his hand, "Resilience is in our nature, as the ground shifts for nothing and no one, correct?"

"Um, yes."

Shu spins to look at him, "So in order to become as resilient as the earth, we must be resilient ourselves, and endure pain, but not let it shift or crack us. You must endure, and deny ourselves what we want, so nothing can weaken us, understand?"

Bolin swallowed, "I, um, think so...But endure what, Master? A lot of long training, and bending forms?"

"In time, Bolin. You must first do without something that you need, and in turn, that will be the first step in becoming unwavering as the very earth." he stated, "What is something that you have had to endure without for a long time?"

"Um, well..." Bolin said quietly, "I guess...does food count? One time, when I was little, it was a really bad winter, and Mako and I couldn't get anything to eat for a week, not even bread..."

That response was it. Little did Bolin know, that was the _hamartia_; the fatal flaw, the one mistake the would lead to his demise. He never should have said it, because that naïve little sentence would be the cause of pain to come.

Shu's brow wrinkled to what others would assume to be pity, "My poor, boy, I am sorry to hear that. But yes, that does count." he confirmed, and Bolin's face fell slightly.

"I'm sorry?"

"For one week, you shall not eat or drink anything. If you give in to your desires, you will prove to crumble at every whim. You must harden your mindset, and be strong." Shu gave Bolin a sad look, placing his hand on his shoulders.

"B-but not eating for a week?" Bolin shook his head, "No, that's really unhealthy. Master, I don't think I-

"-But you have endured much worse, have you not? So what is stopping you now? Do not let fear overcome you."

Bolin closed his eyes, "I-I'm _not_ afraid. And yeah, I have! But, I don't know..."

"You are uncertain, yet you _do_ want to be strong, right, Bolin? You must choose your own destiny. The weak are never remembered. Don't you want Mako to finally be proud of you? What about your parents?"

Bolin stomach twisted painfully, his eyes getting misty. He looked away, _"More than anything..."_

"Than this must be the first step to becoming great. Do not eat for a week; do not give in, prove you are better. If you eat, you are just as useless as the man who cowards and hides. Do this, and your next step will continue."

Bolin sucked in a deep breath, and locked eyes with Shu; green on green, unwavering.

_I'll figure something out. I always do._

_You really have a knack for getting into stupid situations, you know that?!_

_C'mon, Bolin, we need serious ideas._

_Bro, not the time._

_Bolin. You have to toughen up. Big animals eat the little animals. It's just how it goes._

_Why do you have to act so immature? Life's not a game! How many times do I have to tell you: you either hustle or get hustled._

"I'll do it."

"Very good, my pupil." Shu bowed, "Once this first step is complete, I will eventually be able to teach you bending that only I know. A style so great and strong, it will make your bones shake."

Bolin could almost swear that that smile was the one in his dreams.

"Master? Are you sure this is gonna be okay?

"Of course, Bolin." he says, "I would never do anything to hurt you. I'll see you in a week," Shu waved, and was off.

Bolin nods.

He won't realize until years later what the quickened tempo of someone's heart really means.

* * *

He falls asleep to the lullaby of his growling stomach.

It's the melody of accomplishment.

He is winning.

Winning, yes, he can feel it in his bones.

It is so easy to push the food around his plate, like a game. Give little bits to Pabu when Mako isn't looking. Say he ate with Asami, or Toza, or went to Narook's. Put hand gravy-glazed plates in the sink, and conveniently wash them when Mako is in view.

Yes, he thinks, he can do this, he can be very, very good at this game.

A week? Psh, he can do this for two!

_'But you have endured much worse, have you not? So what is stopping you now? Do not let fear overcome you.'_

He is not afraid; fear is for the weak.

He can get better better better, and thinner thinner thinner, too, at the same time because,_ Earthbenders are short and stocky by nature, Bolin, stout and plump, Bolin, but you can be different, you can be better, Bolin._

He will make them proud. He will show them all.

Yes, he thinks, he is finally winning.

* * *

Mako was getting a bit worried.

Mako wasn't sure what had come over Bolin lately, but he didn't like it one bit. The earthbender was normally so energetic, lighthearted, and spirited, that this sudden turn for quiet, withdrawn, and introspective, immediately set the elder of the pair into a mildly stressed and worried state. Bolin stayed in his section of the gym most of the time, training well into the night despite his efforts to get him to go to sleep. He didn't go out as much to enjoy life, and worst of all- they weren't speaking as much as they used to.

Call it a 'mother's instinct', but Mako was incredibly suspicious as to why Bolin would hide the source of his angst from his brother. Whenever the younger boy was scared, unsure of himself, or just plain down, it never took him this long to come clean and express how he felt. It was beginning to make Mako fret over whether it was something that he himself had done.

Mako knew Bolin was upset that his probending team had quit on him, their motivation mirroring their lack of success. The Firebender knew his brother had been humiliated by the paper last week, printing their shame for all to see. And, perhaps he hadn't been spending enough time with Bo, duo to his hectic job and work hours...but something else was going on, he knew. This wasn't like his brother.

That evening, Bolin didn't come home for dinner. Mako wasn't sure he was eating much lately, if he really thought about it. It wasn't like Bolin to refuse food; quite the opposite, in fact. He was an emotional eater, and if Bolin was losing his appetite, then perhaps the situation was more dire than he could have ever imagined.

Mako looked out into the night sky, worry gnawing at him as he sighed.

_Where are you, Bo? What's going on with you?_


	4. Losers Never Win

_When I was a young boy,_  
_My father took me into the city_  
_To see a marching band._

_He said, "Son when you grow up,_  
_would you be the saviour of the broken, _  
_the beaten and the damned?"_  
_He said "Will you defeat them,_  
_your demons, and all the non-believers, _  
_the plans that they have made?"_  
_"Because one day I'll leave you,_  
_A phantom to lead you in the summer,_  
_To join The Black Parade."_

My chemical romance: The Black Parade

* * *

Warning: May be triggering

* * *

It's a work day like any other to Mako; too many sheets of paper stacked on his desk that always seems to increase ten-fold by the time he comes back again with a mug of coffee, or a carton of dumplings, -and he vaguely thinks: _these are good, maybe_ _I can get Bo to eat these_, because in the back of his mind he knows something is wrong, but he tells himself he can handle it because, _I'll figure something out. I always do_. The dark smudges under his eyes, stinging and pulsing, and he sighs.

Then Lin calls him into his office, and the hoots and laughs of, _Uh, oh, what did you_ _do now, Super Cop?_ ring out from every corner of the room. He suppresses a bark of a defensive remark before opening the door.

"Sit down, Mako." Lin states. He complies, wearily, wondering what he did this time.

"Don't look so tense, Kid. You're not in trouble. Yet." Lin pulls open a drawer from her desk, and Mako hears a long sigh leave his mouth.

"So, um, what did you call me in f-"

Lin plops the folder down on the table, but doesn't move to open it.

"Kid-Mako. There's something you have to know. About your past. I should have told you when I first me you, but I just..." she says, trailing off, and he'd be damned, but he swears he hears sympathy in her voice; the mother-she-never-was-but-very-well-could-be.

Mako blinks, "W-what is it?"

He is painfully aware of the way she averts her eyes from him when she explains, "The day your parents were...lost." she says gently, and Mako can't help but wince, "I was the one who brought you and your brother back here from the scene. I was the one who tried to contact any other family members, and evidently sent you both to the Orphanage. You obviously escaped. I don't blame you..." Lin shakes her head, "From what I've heard about them...It's just another thing we have to fix about this damned city."

A rise of bitter fire swirls in him, cold, lonely, sad, "Why...why don't I remember that...?" he asks wearily, rubbing a hand through his hair, "I mean I can remember in detail the time they were killed, what the man looked like...but after that, the next few days..._nothing_..."

Lin shrugs, "Probably shock. You probably passed out a couple of times." she tells him, and Mako chooses not to dwell on the better forgotten memories, "But what I am trying to say is...your father, I knew him. He worked under me on the force."

Mako can't contain himself. He is a bursting star of emotions as he stands, his chair going flying, "_You knew our father!?_ And you never bothered to mention this _one_ _time_ in all the months you've known us?!"

"Mako-

"-So he worked with you, and you probably knew our mother, too, then, huh? What else do you know?" he demands, resting on the desk, face inches from her now, "Tell me!"

"I will when you calm down!" she barks, "That's an order!"

It takes everything in the Firebender to grab his chair and sit in it, breathing slowly.

"Yes, I knew your father. Ning was good man; dedicated, always helping others. Your brother looks just like him." she says, "I didn't realize you were their children until a little while ago, and I just didn't know how to tell you..." she takes her folder, and lays in between them, keeping the flap still closed, to which he is grateful, "I was going over old case files, and suddenly it all connected; that you two were the boys from ten years ago."

She looks to see how Mako's holding up, and all he can stand to do is nod.

He swallows, "And...?"

"It wasn't just a random killing. It was planned."

Mako's face viably pales, "Planned? You mean...someone wanted them do..."

"To die, yes," Lin says grimly, "But we never figured out who the killer was, or why someone would want them do be..." she clears her throat, "It was instigated, we found out. We tracked down the Triads and some bluffed about how the mugger- who was never named, or found- was paid off by an Earthbender."

"Paid off by an Earthbender?" Mako whispers, "Don't tell me you think it was someone who used to..."

"Someone who used to work on the force." she says, and Mako can feel his head swimming.

He is eighteen and eight, vision dancing between the office here and now, and the dark of an alleyway; his screams ringing out with blood on his face and evil fire laughing at him as the monster empties out their mother's purse.

"Mako."

He is running running running, clutching a sobbing, screaming, Bolin, clad in red scarf, sirens wailing past them and them and-

_"Mako._ Kid, snap out of it!"

Lin is inches from his face now, shaking his shoulders.

"Talk to me, kid," Lin says, concern on her face, "What are you thinking?"

"That you are telling me this now," Mako says faintly, eyes far away, "because you think you've finally found the damned earthbender who paid the monster off."

Lin can only nod, sympathy and pity rolling of her in waves.

"It's not certain, but we think we have a lead," she goes over and stuffs the file back into the desk, and Mako already knows what horrors are printed in those pages. "I'll let you know as soon as we find anything else out."

Mako breathes in deeply through his mouth, fighting the nausea threatening to climb out of his throat.

"_Please_ don't tell my brother." he begs.

Lin's brows dip down, eyes soft, "Of course." she says, then. "You are free to take the rest of the day off, Officer Mako."

Mako nods, then bows, internally grateful.

He walks swiftly out of the office, down the hall, and past the door to get out of the building.

He gets into the closest alley he finds, and vomits until he feels eighteen again.

* * *

Mako is eight until he remembers that his brother is sixteen and something is still not right.

He cooks a huge pot of jook to try to compensate for the lingering sense of dread in his stomach, and tries not to count the lack of swallows his brother consumes.

His cooking couldn't have gotten that bad, could it? He knows he's been busy, but...

He looks over, and Pabu seems to like it; the little tongue slurping up the cabbage and rice greedily.

Mako sniffs his spoon again, and takes another mouthful. He moans in bliss at how the spicy cabbage smooths over his palette, the rich rice and honey blending against his cheeks, warm and comforting.

He tries not to think about being eight, and red scarfs, and evil Firebenders, and instead listens to the rhythmic grunting of his brother as the weights stretch the muscles in his arms-that-look-a-little-different-but-he-can't-pin -point-why- over his head, and down to his chest once more. Beads of sweat dampen his brother's temple, hair a messy mop of ink.

"Careful, superstar," Mako teases, "don't wanna hurt yourself."

Bolin just rolls his eyes, and mutters something under his breath that he doesn't quite catch. Something about winning, and getting better.

"So how was my jook tonight, huh?" he asks, because above all else he thinks he _needs to_,"Think I can finally compete with Toza's?"

"Sure, bro," Another grunt as the weights go up, "Whatever you say."

Grunt.

Up.

Down.

Grunt.

Up.

Down.

And Mako tries not to feel hurt when he opens the garbage to find the remains of an uneaten bowl resting in the bag.

Mako swallows, "You know you're amazing, right?"

Bolin stops for a moment, the weight nearly falling on the floor, and Mako wonders why his little brother looks so surprised by this.

Bolin turns to him, "You're more amazing."

Mako smiles sadly as he watches Bolin put the weight against the wall, and says he is going to take a shower.

For some reason, Mako doesn't find the once-admirable comment from his brother to be a complement.

* * *

Some days later, on his way home from work, a foggy night making a swirl of gray float off the sidewalks and dampen his hair, he comes home to the apartment to find Bolin in the middle of the floor, amongst a pile of pearly white komono-chicken bones.

Mako stops suddenly at the door, blinking, flinching at the way the bones _crunch_ under his brother's fingers.

"What...are you doing?"

The younger boy doesn't respond. Bolin's fingers slip over slick, pink muscle of the carcass; the remainder of the meat being pulled away and disregarded in the garbage bag displayed to the left, and Mako get's a flash of the starving children that they used to be, sniveling at the wasted food. Mako watches Bolin's thumb at the pearl joint, tears of veins stuck to his fingers, staining his hands a bit red. Mako has a slight urge to vomit; be it the smell, the sight, the concept of his brother doing something that just looks so..._wrong_...he doesn't know. There's a pop and a crack, and the leg of the komono-chicken pulls out at an unnatural angle to lie flat against the floor once more, along with the others like a skeleton.

Bolin cleans the newly ripped off bones with the corner of his shirt, and smiles.

Mako thinks he better make something else for dinner tonight. He never really liked Komono-chicken, anyway.

He steps closer, ignoring the crunching under his boots. "Bo?"

Said brother finally looks up, the green in his eyes are darker than Mako ever knew, _and when did he cheeks look so sunken?_

"What are you doing? Why are you pulling apart bones?" he exclaims, worry rising up in him, because Bolin wouldn't hurt a fly. He hated hurting any animal when they were younger; hating stealing, and wouldn't eat anything unless Mako cooked it to a golden brown with his fire no matter how rotten. "That was gonna be our dinner. What are you...?"

He doesn't understand, but Bolin looks like he just got handed a million yuans.

"I'm winning."

That is what his younger brother says, not looking at him, just gazing at his stained fingers with this crazed look. And Mako thinks maybe he is too afraid to understand at the moment, because if he chose to understand, then he would have to admit to himself how his brother looks so tired, and thin, and no, no, _no_, they will _never_ go hungry again, nothing is wrong, because how could anything be wrong, now?

They are safe now. Secure now. He has a job now, they have a new apartment, and everything is _fine, just fine._

Mako'll be damned if they ever go hungry again, so why-?

There is another_ pop_, and a _snap_, and Mako looks down wearily to see Bolin holding two halves of a wishbone is his fists.

"Wishes don't come true, Mako." he says evenly, "You have to harden your heart."

And now Mako's terrified because _what is happening?_

This was himself when he was little, what he could have become without Bolin and-

Mako grimaces, and swallows down a lump in his throat.

He grabs the bag, and shoves the bones and the whole lot of it into the plastic with one swift motion.

Bolin begins to protest, but Mako shakes his head, throws the bag in the garbage and says, "What do you want for dinner?"

"I'm not hungry. I ate at Narook's before."

Mako knows something is wrong, he can feel it in the spaces in between his bones, where his normally hot blood turns cold. But he doesn't have the heart or strength to try to understand at the moment.

For some reason, he doesn't believes this, but he nods and says _okay._

Bolin smiles.

Somehow, Mako can feel he himself is losing.

* * *

"Why are you cutting your nails again?" Mako asks one morning in the bathroom, as he maneuvers his way in to brush his teeth, "You just cut them last night. Trying to give yourself a manicure or something?"

"Ha-ha, Mako." Bolin says, gaze trained on his fingertips, "Why, do you want one?" Bolin asks for good measure.

Mako snorts, then looks down to see his brother's handiwork, and it's only then that he realizes with concern how..._yellow...and brittle._...they look.

Mako blinks, wondering how in the world this happened.

"What happened to them?" he exclaims, grasping his brother's hands, as to which Bolin pulls away, muttering, _nothing, I don't know what you're talking about._

Mako feels like a horrible brother _because what is he missing? _

Bo is either in the gym, or out late as night. He is not eating much, and the other day he came home to find the earthbender pulling apart bones on their floor.

"Don't play dumb, Bo!" he uses a tone, "Spirits, they look like fish scales!"

"They're fine!" Bolin waves him off, "Now, can you give me some privacy? I need to wash up!"

Mako just looks at him, eyes boring in to his, with his too-sucken face, and too-tired eyes.

Bolin sighs, annoyed, "What, Mako?"

"Are you smoking cigarettes from Shin again?"

Bolin nearly takes off his whole finger with the clippper. _"What!"_ He exclaims, "What gave you that idea? Okay, first off all, I only did that two times, when I was twelve, 'cause I didn't know any better, and then I stopped. Unlike you, Mr. Hypocrite, who can light his own with his firebending!"

"I didn't know how bad they were for you, Bo, okay? I admit what I did was wrong!" Mako snaps back, "But Zolt said I had to, or he'd take away my pay. I had no choice." Bolin rolls his eyes, "Hey,_ look at me_." Mako demands.

Bolin gives him a pout, one that says he has better things to do than listen to Mako nag him.

"What is going on with you, Bolin?" Mako takes the darn clipper and shoves it in a drawer,"You've been acting really strange for weeks now, since probending stopped, and frankly, it's starting to worry me."

Bolin squints his eyes in anger, "Just because you're an officer, doesn't mean everyone around you is a criminal! Save your interrogating for work! _I'm fine!_"

"Oh, really?" Mako challenges, hands on his hips. If Bolin was going to be that way, well, then two could play that game. He was only trying to help.

"Yes, Mako._ Really."_

_"_Well, then," Mako plays, "I guess it'll be no problem for you to come home at six tonight for dinner, then, will it? We're having Komodo-chicken."

Bolin keeps his brother's challenging gaze.

"Absolutely not. No problem at all. I'll be here at six." is the even reply.

"Good."

"Good."

And with that, Bolin waves Mako out of the bathroom, and begins to wash all the fat off his face that he gained while sleeping, and prepares for tonight's meal. He'll have to wake up early tomorrow morning to go to the gym.

Great.

_This is all Mako's fault,_ he thinks. _He just wants me to get fat_ _so he can be better._

.

Mako tries to keep his eyes from stinging as he looks at the closed bathroom door.

_Why won't you tell me what's wrong, Bo? Why can't you talk to me anymore?_

It's then that he realizes his powers of deduction are really self-overrated.

* * *

Bolin runs all the way to the station, instead of taking the ferry. Shu is in plain sight, clearly waiting for him.

"You're late."

Bolin's hands shake, his stomach twisted and moaning painfully and he's hungry, _so damn hungry_ he is going so split open and explode and it's been _three weeks_, but he can't lose now, can't lose can't lose_ can't._

"Well," Shu drawls, eyebrow arched, "What do you have to say for yourself?"

Bolin swallows, painful.

"Please, I'm begging you._ Please make me Better._"


	5. Hip-bone Wishes

Note: Hey, guys, sorry, this one is gonna be real short and sad. I promise my next ones will be very action filled, long, and with Korra and Asami :) And I do not mean for this to trigger anyone, so I am sorry if this upsets anyone. Please read and review.

* * *

_-I lock the door  
Turn all the water on  
And bury that sound  
So no one hears anything anymore  
Mirror lie to me, tell me you can see  
Maybe you won't be able to recognize me now  
I know you can feel all the things you steal  
And you're taking, you're taking it-_

_'Skin and Bones': Mariana's __Trench_

* * *

_12:22 PM. The back alleys of Dragon_ _Flats Borough _

* * *

_Thinner is the Winner_

"They don't care about you, you know that, right?" Shu's voice sends needles into his heart, but he knows it's true nonetheless.

"I know_._" Bolin whispers.

"Your brother thinks you're a burden, and he kissed Korra when you already stated how you felt for her. To steal away someone you love- that's a betrayal like no other."

"_I know._" Bolin says again, his hands trembling, his ribs pinching and a_ Hunger, Hunger, Hunger._

_"_What do you want, Bolin?" Shu asks loudly, for the world to hear.

Thinner is the Winner.

"I want..." Bolin closes his eyes, "I want to be useful. And Better. To Win."

Shu nods, as if this makes perfect sense. Inside, he is laughing at the wonderful madness he is manifesting in Ning's poor, pathetic son. He almost wishes Ning were alive to see this- _almost._

"Now," Shu states,"this time, you will do it correctly, won't you, Bolin?"

Bolin nods curtly, eyes glazed and straight ahead. "Yes, Master."

He inhales deeply, and flicks his wrist out, drinking in the scenery perception of the exact spot on the hard concrete where the bearded-cat lay, licking his paws. He can feel every single pebble around the feline, feel the way its flexible legs stretch over its head to clean every spot on its fur.

"Can you feel it?" Shu asks,"All the rich copper and iron pulsing in its bones?"

Bolin breathes in through his nose, and steadies his heartbeat, "_Yes." _Bolin breathes, "It tastes _so good._..."

"Taste it." Shu instructs, "Breathe it in. Drink it up. You are _its master_."

A power washes over Bolin that he cannot comprehend, yet he finds himself reveling in it.

_"Now."_

On instruction, Bolin's fingers twitch out and his mind-hold on the helpless animal takes form in its cries. The horrible shriek it gives out, makes Shu tingle with delight.

Bolin finds it pathetically easy now, to move the stick- like limbs to his control after weeks of practice. Just a cock of his elbow, and nod of his head, and the copper-rich bones morph to his mercy. The smell of the iron-laded morsels was intoxicating. He was drunk with the beautiful madness of it all, and Shu's prideful remarks and encouraging nature.

Bolin smiles as the two back paws bend at an angle no limb should ever go. And he thinks, this is his reward for being better. He is powerful.

It was just a sad little thing, and frankly, he was doing it a favor. No harm done.

As he uses the swift move of his arm, just a Shu had taught him, to make the legs twitch just enough to give one final blow and-_snap_

The shrieks silence.

The body falls to the ground with a thud.

Shu grins like a madman from behind Bolin.

And, Bolin, he smiles with a bubbling power of delicate craftsmanship.

Thinner is the Winner.

"Fun?" Shu asks.

Bolin's lips curl, "Too easy."

"It gets better. Trust me." the man says, and he puts a hand on the boy's thinning shoulder, that when they had first met, had been broad and strong, "This, my pupil, is just the beginning."

"I can't wait."

* * *

_I haven't changed_

_You're just all the same_

_No, I'm not breaking_

_You're just all insane_

_I'm not hurting myself,_

_my body's just profane_

_I do eat, I swear_

_I scarf down my doubts, _

_and nibble up my pain, _

_and burp up 'I'm fine's' _

_ and vomit up my shame_

_So you see, nothing is wrong_

_You're just all to blame_

_I am just playing,_

_Yes, I am playing a game_

_I am winning, understand?_

_And winners never lose_

* * *

Hours pass, the thrill of earlier is gone, and Korra is the next to voice her worry.

They are sitting together on the Island, watching the gates spin and spiral with the laughter of wind. He thinks she is crazy, because_ nothing is wrong with him. _He isn't sick or hurting himself, no, no, no. The only thing that is wrong with him, is that he is too fat, and pathetic, and needs to be _better, faster, stronger, tougher._

_Thinner is the Winner._

He thinks, with how Shu is teaching him now, with his new skills, maybe there is hope for him yet.

_Harden your heart, then nothing can break you. You must prove you can go without something that you need, so you can be strong._

Yes, yes, yes, he is getting stronger than ever now. He doesn't need anything, not even food. He is winning, so he has no idea what Korra is talking about. It's only been one month!

Okay, maybe a little over a month; but really, that's a good thing. He has endurance. He is resilient.

He is an earthbender.

Korra's wrong. She was just jealous that he's becoming better than her, and no way is he going to go fatten himself up by getting salty, gooey noodles with her.

She looked hurt when he denied her request for lunch, continuing on with, "Mako's worried about you, and so am I."

He rolls his eyes, "Mako's paranoid; always has been. I'm fine."

"Bolin," she says sternly, "You are_ not_ fine. You look sick. You look like you haven't slept in weeks, and I can nearly see your ribs."

He shrugs, "It's called 'Street Rat Syndrome', Korra. You never fully gain the weight back that you lose. So how's Airbending-"

She hits his arm, and he flinches. She blinks at how _fragile_ his arm feels. " '_Street Rat Syndrome'_?" She exclaims,"That is the biggest load of monkey-horse snot I have ever heard!"

He pouts, and looks down. "With all the time you spend with Mako, I'm surprised you even noticed me at all."

The words are like a punch in the face, and now it's Korra's turn to flinch.

"I...I'm sorry, Bo..." She says," I know Mako and I have been spending a lot of time together, and that isn't fair to you..." her head dips down, "Is that why you've been doing this?"

He blinks, "...Doing _what?_"

Because, honestly, what was she talking about?

Thinner is the Winner.

She sighs in aggravation,"You know very well what I mean." Then, quietly,"Mako says you're not talking to anyone." she tells him.

"I'm-

"-And _don't,_" she cuts in, "say you are talking to me right now. Because that does _not_ count."

He closes his mouth, and listens to get her to be quiet faster. Maybe if he nods, he can burn some calories, too. And he will frown and look like he is taking her seriously and really contemplating her concern, because _did you know frowning uses up more calories than smiling?_

No wonder Mako looks like a stick!

"Bolin! Are you even listening to me?" she huffs.

"Yes, Miss Avatar."

She snorts in annoyance. Then, her face turns to pleading,"Why aren't you sleeping, or eating? Tell me, _please._"

"-What are you tal-"

"_-Answer_ the question, or so help me Spirits," she demands, "I will freeze you in place, you understand me?"

He nods.

Once.

Twice.

But his chin still feels like jelly.

(The grim on the underside of a dumper, like gum stuck to the alley walls)

"What are you doing...?" she shakes her head. Then her eyes go soft, voice a quiet pleading tone, "Bo...Please, you're _really_ worrying us. Mako skipped work yesterday to talk to me. He says you hardly eat at all, and you wake up before dawn to work out-_ if_ you sleep. You're scaring us, Bo, why are you doing this? You look sick. Spirits, Mako told me he came home last week to find you pulling apart bones on the floor! I mean, what...?"

Psh, they really were paranoid! So what if he works out for hours until two in the morning, until he's ready to pass out, and sleeps for four hours? Or stares at the ceiling of his room all night, his fatty limbs pushing into the bed so heavy it might break, going over all the ways he can get thinner? He's just trying to be healthy; he didn't know that was a crime!

Thinner is the Winner.

He sighs, "Don't worry about me, Kor. I'm just trying to be healthy. No reason to fear; I got this down. I'm wining. You'll see."

"Winning." she repeats, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes."

"Mako says you say this a lot, but what does it mean?"

And Bolin thinks for a moment.

He thinks he used to know, but he's not so sure anymore.

For Probending? No, that had failed miserably.

He can barely Earthbend to save his life; how many times in the last ten years had Mako had to risk his life for his expense?

_He is twelve, and the gangster is laughing at him as he chews his gums, and spits at his feet, and "Geez, kid," he remarks to Mako,"Would've thought you'd left the little runt in the alleys a long time ago. Could actually be someone without him."_

_He is trembling behind Mako as the elder boy takes his stance and says his own share of insults, but all the while, the gangster just looks at his green eyes and shakes his head, and Bolin know's truer words have never been spoken. _

He's just weak and fat, and needs to be tough. That is all he knows. He will get strong, and win, and show them all.

"Bo?" she asks, concern on her face, "What are you trying to win at?"

He swallows, the pit in his stomach threatening to consume him. Pain, pain, pain churning in his gut, breaking apart his bones, making an aching whole inside him. He feels like jelly, like lard sticking his skin together where muscles should be. Like the spaces in-between his bones are so filled with slime that he will never be clean, and he pinches the skin of his upper arm, and _still too fat._

Thinner is the Winner.

Underneath the oily skin, and the fat layers of tissues, and the slimy veins, what is he?

A burden.

A Street Rat.

A joke nobody even laughs at

Weak, weak, weak.

Not Mako.

_Hungry._

_(_So damn hungry,_ how long has it been?_ He is going to break, he i_s going to eat himself,_ but no, no, no that is what the toilet is for_)_

But Shu understands. Shu can help him get Better.

Bolin feels cat fur stuck underneath his nail, now dry and brittle, and he can't get it out no matter how he picks at it.

(Shower, shower, soap, wash it all away, wash away the fat, skin and bones, _Bo, are you almost done? You've been in there for a half hour!_)

"Bolin..." Korra eyes shine at him, hurting and worry-filled. Her hand on his shoulder feels like a weight, and why does it feel _so heavy?_ "What is it that you have to win at?"

He turns his face to her now, eyes green to blue.

_"Everything."_

* * *

_2:47PM._

* * *

Pabu now walks with a mysterious limp, and won't go near anyone, much less Bolin.

Asami comes to visit that afternoon while Mako is at work, and finds Bolin sitting on the couch, with a hurt looking Pabu sitting in the corner of the room. She tries to tend to the poor ferret's leg, but Bolin just scoffs and states how the thing is just a pest, is _weak_, and how they should have just left if at the gross pet store where it belonged.

Asami's eyes widen with disbelief, and the stranger she sees that her friend has been for the past month a half, finally steals her denial away.

"How can you say that? Pabu's you're best friend!"

_What's happened to you?_ she wants to yell, going up to shake Bolin's shoulders wildly, but refrains herself.

Bolin mearly flicks Asami's hands off with a wave of his hand, causing a little twist in her wrists. She makes pained sound, clutching her hurt wrists with an incredulous gaze at Bolin.

"Not anymore. No one's my friend."

"What? Bolin..." she begins. "That's not true!"

But Bolin seems not to have even heard her.

"Two-hundred and six."

"...What?_"_ she blinks.

"Two-hundred and six," he repeats, "That is how many bones are in the adult human body. Did you know that?"

Asami looks at him, "...No..." she says slowly, "I didn't, actually. Are you feeling, okay, Bolin? You don't seem well."

"Oh, me? I'm fine."

"But you just-"

"-I'm _fine_, Asami. Thanks for coming!" he exclaims as he holds the door open for her.

As Asami hurries out of the apartment, she swears the ground trembles beneath her feet, and she has no idea who she was just talking to.

* * *

_"Soon I'll be thinner than all of you, she swore to herself. And then I'll be the winner. The thinner is the winner."_  
― Steven Levenkron, _The Best Little Girl in the World_

* * *

The dreaded hour of six rolls around, and Bolin wants to bury himself in the dirt.

Mako is watching him watching his plate of food- and he _can't._

He doesn't know why he can't, because he told Mako this morning, _absolutely not. No problem at all. I'll be here at six, _but the food is looking at him,

And.

He.

_Can't._

Thinner is the Winner.

The stare-down continues, the menacing komono-chicken seeping grease onto his plate, threatening to fatten him up with its skin-breaded carbs, and fatty side of potatoes and _he can't._

He will lose his resolve. He will fail and get fat, and his blood will turn to butter, and he will fall right through the very earth and-

_"Bolin."_

He looks up to Mako's concerned eyes.

"I'm not hungry."

Mako sucks in a breath and closes his eyes.

Bolin takes this time get up from his chair, and make a bee-line for the door, but Mako says, _oh, no, no way, sit down!_, and catches him by the upper arm to stop him.

Bolin hears the yelp come from his mouth before he realizes, because that_ hurt,_ and he doesn't know why, because Mako would never hurt him, and now Mako looks scared-and-worried-and pitiful-and-since-when-did-his-eyes-look-so-wet?

They stare at each other for a few silent seconds, and Bolin shakily sits down.

"Bo..." Mako begins, "Why are you doing this?" a scared kind of worry twists Mako's voice, a glob of something that must be fat seems to be stuck in his brother's throat and Bolin still doesn't understand what anybody means, but as long as his thumb and forefinger can still circle around his wrist, then it is okay because _Better._

Korra's words echo back at him from earlier, and Bolin asks again, "Doing what, Mako?"

Mako's eyes search him up and down. "You... really don't see it, do you?"

Bolin tilts his head to the side in question.

"'See it'?

Mako nods and looks down at the now-cold komono-chicken as if it killed someone. "What's happening to you." he states.

Bolin frowns, as Mako continues with a bitter laugh, "A-and you know, for these past few weeks I didn't want to see it either. How much you were hurting as I watched you fall apart. Was just in denial, I guess." he runs a hand through his hair, "The not eating, not sleeping, not...anything but working out and who knows what else..."

Bolin shakes his head, "Mako, stop. What are you-"

"-_Damn__ it_, Bolin!" Mako exclaims, the chicken on the table going up in flames, "Don't you see that you're making yourself sick?! Don't you see how you _look_!?"

"I'm not sick, Mako! I'm just being healthy!"

"_Healthy?_" Mako takes Bolin's cheek, and looks him in the eyes, saying softly, "This is the opposite of healthy, Bo. Please...please, stop this..." he blinks his eyes as if something is caught in it.

"Mako..."

"You're making yourself sick." he rubs his fingers across his brother's sunken cheek-bones, " Isn't nearly two months long enough?"

"Not enough until I can be Better and Win." Bolin shakes his head,"Not until I can be a good Earthbender and-"

"You _are_ a good bender, Bolin!" Mako exclaims,"You're great-"

"-Yeah," Bolin laughs in self-deprecation, "so great that the newspaper had to print a cover-story on my success!"

"Bol-"

"Wrong answer, Mako! How about all the things I _suck_ at, huh?" he yells and Mako steps back, face shocked,"Bending, getting girls, finding food, finding shelter and helping out in _any way_ when we were kids! All the times I got you hurt or arrested when we were little, just because I needed food or-

"-That wasn't your fault!" he replies sternly, "I did what I had to do to protect you! It was never a burden; you're my little brother, Bo, there is _nothing_ I wouldn't do for you!"

"Not a burden, huh? Then what about all the times you were like, _you always get into so much trouble, Bolin! Stop whining, Bolin, and be quiet, that won't get us anything. Why do you always get into such stupid situations, Bolin?"_

Mako's eyes shine with regret, "I'm sorry...I never meant to make you feel that way..." he says quietly, stepping closer, "I just wanted you to be safe. And you always... _cared_ so much, and I couldn't afford to. And I guess I just thought of our physical needs first; you know, shelter, food, water, as opposed to emotions because it was too painful for me to feel. I'm sorry, Bo. I'm _so_ sorry."

Bolin just looks down at his feet, feeling big, and gross, and slimy, and-

"Bo?"

He looks up.

"Please eat something. _Please._ I can't stand to see you like this anymore." Mako is inches from him now, hands on his cheeks, brushing away something salty, and all he knows is that he feels _too close, no, no, no, skin and bones, can't, can't, Thinner is the Winner_

(Flatten him with rocks, burn away his skin until all the fat and shame and pain and loneliness is gone, and he is free and floating)

But no, no, no, 'please', he said 'please' and, his ribs are pinching pinching pinching him, he is going to eat himself away-

_They really don't care about you, you know that, right?_

_I know._

He is so fat for the world that he is shaking it, spinning it, he can't keep his balance, can't even keep his _breath_ anymore and-

_"Bolin!"_

There is a name being screamed, _(Bolin? Who is 'Bolin'? Surely not_ _him. He is a glob, a slime, a mountain_) and the feeling of hands on his back, touching his fat, and he is laying on something soft, (_maybe lard?_) and when he opens his eyes-

Mako.

He opens his eyes, wearily, to see Mako's panicked face above, his body laying on the couch and, _why does he feel like an icicle?_

_"_Bolin? Are you okay? Say something!"

He groans, and tries to sit up, feeling cold cold cold and so tired, as if he is filled with lead.

"M-mako...? What happened?"

"You fainted, Bo." Mako studies his face, "Are you alright?"

"No."

He most certainly does not feel 'alright' because everything aches and he just wants to bury himself in his fatty failures and sleep, sleep, sleep for a hundred years and never get up.

"I'm so tired," he says quietly, folding his arms over himself.

He watches Mako swallow, painful, "Will you please eat something? For me?" he asks.

Bolin shivers, and he doesn't know if it's from fear, of the sudden realization that he hasn't felt _warm_ in so long.

"I...I _can't."_

In the end, Mako hugs him tight for an unknown time, maybe hours or days, and then, somehow, in some way, the mashed potatoes are being spooned into his mouth, bit by bit, slowly, slowly, and he tries not to fight it, he really does, but it _hurts_ and he _can't_.

He is like a six-year old again, helpless, afraid, and the spoon is at his lips again, but he whimpers and shakes his head, _no more, please, no more,_ and Mako hugs him and give him encouraging smiles and says, _yes, yes, you can do it, Bo, just a little more,_ but he can't.

He really doesn't know what it is that he supposedly can do, or what it is that he supposedly 'can't see'.

He clamps his mouth shut, feeling big, and gross, tears are on his cheeks, and he can't believe he ate. He is weak, and a coward, and Shu is going to kill him because he failed and _you did this to me, Mako, you made me eat. You betrayed me._

_"_You hate me." Bolin whispers.

Mako's face is so pained, that Bolin thinks his brother is going to crumble.

Then he can't keep his eyes open any longer, everything feeling too heavy. He hears whispers of, _no, I love you, I love you, I love you so much,_ but even they seem too heavy to hold.

The last thing he hears is a broken voice saying, "You're gonna be okay, Bo."

But he doesn't want to be okay. Doesn't anyone understand? He just wants to be Better.

_Thinner is the Winner._


	6. Skeletons in the Closet

_If nine weeks= -30 pounds and Winning, then, forever=...?_

_Invisible and Won?_

* * *

In the Police Station on the east side of town, Lin Beifong sits in her office, tired green eyes boring wholes into the case files displaying the bodies of multiple victims over the last twelve years, all of whom seem to be linked to one unknown killer. Their bones sticking out of twisted sockets, blood blooming at the joints where the pearly- white bone shines. Each face haunts her, leaving her with sleepless nights and a churning pit in her stomach.

But two victims stick out, the bodies nearly burnt to a crisp, all belongings stolen.

An Earth Kingdom man, along with his Fire Nation wife.

The two pairs of eyes shine back at her from the black and white print, open, but unseeing; the once shining emeralds of the man reflect a younger brother, a once six year old boy, who clung to his red-scarfed older brother desperately ten years ago, wailing, sobbing. And the woman, all fine-jawed, and crimson eyed, passing on her seeing-souls to a determined, yet loyal young man who sits in the next room over, doing papers at his desk, through the window.

Lin Beifong turns her stinging eyes away from the window, and fiercely wipes away her tears.

"_Ning..._" she whispers to the picture, "If only I could have saved you...You and your wife..."

Her hands fist tight when she hears her Officers making some immature comment to the new recruit. Something about being a '_try-hard, Fire Cracker Super Cop'._

_"Shut up._" she hisses under her breath, "He's just doing his job. Can't you see the poor kid's already suffered enough?"

A gloating laughter wails out and she sees Mako's annoyed face through the glass, face pinched and brows down.

He grasps for his neck, but his fingers find nothing, and he briefly looks down at his neck in confusion, before regaining his composure.

Lin grimaces, and looks back down at the case files in disgust.

"I'll find you..." she whispers to whatever monster did this, whoever has been Bonbending and killing all these people,"I'll find you; for Ning, for Azara, and the boys...For ruining a wonderful family and so many other lives,"She briefly gazes at the picture of the sad, heartbroken, lost, six and eight-year old brothers," I'll find you, Bonebender, and when I do, the last thing you'll ever hear, will be the sound of your own bones_ shattering. _That's a promise._"_

* * *

Mako hears Bolin mumble their father's name in his sleep, _Ning! Ning!_ the word leaving his brother's lips in a foreign, strained way, that should be replaced by bittersweet love.

He wonders briefly why their father isn't being addressed as '_Dad'_ and how Bolin even remembers his name. In the end, Mako quietly gets out of bed, takes the red scarf from the side table, and wraps it around his brother's thinning neck, collarbone sticking out sharply against the skin; Bolin's strangled words slowly become replaced with his own name, and the cries start quieting down.

Mako contemplates that the only thing his brother is eating is _pain_, and that he's been full for far too long.

Why can't he be hungry for love?

* * *

Bolin's panting now, hair messy and tussled from the second straight hour of practicing, his joints locking up from exhaustion. The alley is littered with dead spider-rats and bearded- cats, their bones scattered and cracked.

But Bolin doesn't see that, his glazed green eyes only wanting more, needing more, _because how long until he gets Better?_

'_You're weak' _a voice hisses_, 'it's only been two hours. You can't even keep your composure. You're a coward. You might as well start eating now.'_

Bolin moans, and his knees knock together. He's so tired, and wants to fall to the ground and sleep. But Shu's commands ring in his ears, and he is shaking, shaking, _he's come too far to quit now._

Only a coward gives up.

"Again." Shu states. "This time, with your eyes closed. You must not think about it. It must come as natural to you as breathing. As sleeping or eating."

"Screw you."

The words are out of his mouth before he realizes, and he feels possessed. He rarely ever curses, Mako's fine rules to never repeat the colorful language of the Triads. He bites his tongue hard, tasting blood, and that _taste_, the actual sensation of something on his tongue, gives him a crazed craving.

"_What_ did you just say to me?" Shu snaps, rocks shaking as he spins around.

"I said..." Bolin starts, then shrinks back, when his arms twitch under Shu's hold.

He gasps and his knees give out, dust collecting on the ground.

"M-master-! Please!" he begs, arms twisting painfully, the iron collecting in his joints. Tears sting in his eyes.

"Please, _what?_" Shu spits,"You will _respect_ me, or be even more useless than you are now. Do you want to go back to being invisible? Is that it?"

Bolin whimpers and squirms on the ground, clutching his arms.

"What was that?" Shu kicks his side, "I can't hear you!"

Bolin grunts, "N-no...I-I..."

"Say something! _Say something, Ning!"_

Bolin's head snaps up, "_Who is Ning_?" he whispers, eyes flickering.

Shu looks at him, eyes haunted.

Bolin gets to his knees again, slowly standing up. Then snaps, voice bellowing, "WHO IS NING?"

Shu just stairs, heart pumping. Ning's angry face looks back at him, face sweaty, and dirty, and _no, no, no he's dead, he_ _can't be back, he's dead._

_(Dead dead dead dead as the dirt, eyes closed, and he can't compete with dust, no, no,)_

"Master?" Bolin exclaims, and Shu's back, hands fisted, and trembling. Bolin hugs himself,"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, please forgive me."

"No, no...It is alright, my boy," Shu says quietly, regaining his composure, "You just my promise to never back talk again, for I will tolerate no disrespect. Is that understood?"

Bolin swallows, and nods. He bows, "Y-yes...Master..."

Ning finally obeys him, and Shu smiles.

"Master?"

Shu looks up.

"I feel like you're the only one who cares about me."

Bolin voice is too high, and eyes dark green.

Shu almost laughs with joy.

"That is because I _am_ the only one, Bolin." Shu's voice is tender as he puts a hand on the young boy's shoulder.

"And I feel like you are the son I never had."

Bolin's flickering eyes shine back at him, and before Shu knows it, his bony form is embracing him. Shu flinches, before returning the embrace with an evil smirk hidden behind the crook of his shoulder, nearly crushing the decomposing boy in his hold.

"Just remember, bones are thinker than flesh and blood." he tells him. "Bones are all we have."

"I know."

* * *

_Oh, bones, so lovely in their shape,_

_how much love will be_ _enough to break?_

* * *

Korra says to meet Mako at noon at the Temple, a talk needing to be had.

"Mako, he looks horrible." she rests her hand on the Firebender's knee, "He needs help."

"I know, Korra, but he won't listen to me. I don't know what else to do." Tired bags smudge his eyes, shadows of a loosing battle.

"Where does he go when you're at work?" she asks, "I mean, what does he do?"

"How should I know?" Mako sighs in aggravation, pain in his eyes,"I can barely get him to talk to me."

"Well, we have to find out!" She exclaims, "We'll follow him and-"

"-Don't you think I've_ tried_ that, Korra?" he retorts, running a hand through his hair, "Both times he saw me trying to follow, and then yelled about how I don't trust him or whatever. It just made things worse!"

She sighs sadly, "Then, I'll go. I follow him tomorrow to wherever he goes and report back to you. Okay?"

His eyes hold the sadness of an eight-year old boy who couldn't keep his promise.

"I wish it were that easy, Kor."

* * *

Asami whizzes past the narrow roads of Dragon Flats Borough, her moped taking her through the twisting and turning underbelly of short-cuts back to her infamous mansion that is too big for one. Her hair whips behind her, the wind drowning out the smell of the decaying flesh that she is soon to be faced with.

She almost runs over another person, as a metalbender officer dips out of the crook of an alley, just as she is ready to make her turn off. She slams on her breaks, and gawks at the scene in front of her.

"_Hold on, Ms. Sato!_" he warns, caution tape in hand, the yellow ribbon sneaking around the side street, and behind a building, sectioning off civilians, "This road is blocked off for a crime scene. Sorry, but you'll just have to go the long way home."

She takes of her helmet and parks her bike, "What's going on? Was someone attacked?"

She tries to shake out the images of a six-year-old her, having to explain to the police just at what time she heard the noise of the break in, in which room it happened, how much was stolen, and if she thought anyone would want to hurt her mommy.

She can't imagine how Mako would feel if he were here, and is grateful he is off duty during these hours.

The clanking of metal brings her back. Over ahead, she thinks she makes out Chief Beifong at the end of the alley.

The Officer shakes his head, "There's been some kind of attack, yes, but the victims all seem to be animals." he states, and she's sure she looks as confused as she feels, "About a dozen spider-rats and bearded-cats were all killed at the end of the alley. What's so strange is that they seemed to be all killed by their bones breaking."

She feels her breath catch, "..._What?"_

"There's been recent animal killings these past few weeks; about one or two of them every six days or so, so we didn't give it much thought. Assumed it was just mother nature and what not. But they've grown so frequent and brutal, that we were called in to investigate." he brows furrow, "I just don't get it. I mean, what kind of animal breaks apart their prey's bones, and just leaves it there, not eating any of it?"

Her throat constricts for a moment, the animal's bones shattered to bits, their soulless eyes looking right at her and,

_Two-hundred and six_

_...what?_

_Two-hundred and six. That is how many bones are in the adult human body. Did you know that?_

She swallows back bile. "I think I know what kind."

.

She slams into their apartment, nearly ripping the door off its hinges.

He's doing sit-ups by the couch, and looks as if one stretch too many will crumble him. "Jeez, you ever heard of knocking? I mean, honestl-"

"-Tell me it wasn't you." her voice is grave, fearful and needing it not to be true.

He sighs and slowly straightens up, "What wasn't me? You're gonna have to be a bit more specific, darling."

Jeez, Mako becomes a cop, and suddenly everyone thinks he's some kind of criminal! Screw them all!

He sees tears in her eyes, "The animal killings, Bolin. Their bones. Was it you?" she asks breathlessly.

His brows furrow, an emotion she can't quite catch passes his face, "Of course not, Asami. I would never do something like that! Why would you even-"

A relieved little laugh cuts him off, "Spirits..." she breaths, "Thank goodness, I was so afraid."

"Good. Now leave."

She starts, "What?"

"Did I stutter?" He retorts, "I said leave."

"Well, gosh," she replies, "no need to be a jerk."

"No need to accuse me of being some sadistic animal killer, either, but you know, we all have our problems." he snaps back.

Her eyes become slits, "You're right, Bolin." her voice is steely, "We do all have problems. That's just part of being human. And also being able to admit when we have a problem and need help from our friends and the people who love us."

He points to the door. "You're the one who has a problem. _Get out."_

She takes a step towered the door, eyes sad, but voice firm,_"_I don't know what's happened to you, and I'm sorry that it's taken me this long to see it. But you need help."

He clenches his teeth, "I said leave, _Ms. Sato."_

"When you're ready, you know where to find me."

He pushes her out the door, and slams it so hard he hears the earth beneath him shake.

She's insane! They're all insane; seriously, did they expect him to believe they actually cared? What was she taking about? He didn't hurt any animal.

That was Bolin. Bolin hurt the animals, and he wasn't 'Bolin' anymore.

No, he was Better than Bolin.

Bolin was weak, and cowered. He needed everyone to protect him,

_Would've thought you'd left the little runt in the alleys a long time ago, kid. Could actually be someone without him._

Bolin was fat, and ugly and stupid. Always getting in trouble, and no one taking him seriously.

But he wasn't Bolin anymore. He was, so, so, so Much Better.

Screw them all! Like they actually, cared!

Shu cared for him! He was Shu's son, and no one was going to take that away from him!

He. WAS. WINNING.

.

He wakes up on the bathroom floor, his hands sticky with butter, beads of rice stuck to his lips.

Chips litter the ground, the salt making his fingers sting. A half eaten dumpling rolls away from him, and a plastic bag crunches under his leg.

He flushes the toilet once more, all the contents washing away. All the fat he didn't poison himself with, never to be seen again.

He is so, so, smart, and so very clever.

_Problem?_ Yes, the only problem he knows of is eating, but, he is smart enough not to.

He flushes the toilet again, this time for fun, the swirling brown water, creating a typhoon of Better. The sound is like a song of achievement.

_Flush._

He is stronger.

_Flush._

He is thinner.

_Flush._

He is Better than anyone in the world, including Mako.

_Flush._

_Flush._

_Flush._

He is not Mako.

Yes, he is Wining. And he won't let anyone stop him now.

* * *

"He said _what_ to you?" Mako exclaims as Asami retells her story.

"I can't believe it!" Korra says, eyes wide.

She shakes her head, "I know! I don't know what's the matter with him! And he flat-out lied to me, too." she says, "He obviously hurt those animals, with the way he's been acting, how he hurt Pabu and everything. Mako, I'm scared for him."

Mako closes his eyes, tears threatening to spill. Korra puts her arm around his shoulder, "Mako, we all have to talk to him."

"He thinks I hate him." he whispers. "He hates himself. It's no use; he won't listen at all."

"Mako..." Korra starts, "We have to try something, so he can get better."

Mako sighs and looks at them solemnly. "I think that's the damn problem."

The world is too far and too wide.

* * *

He runs his hands over his body as if to make sure he is still Winning. The hipbones rising from his shrunken stomach were razor-sharp, but to him, were as soft as lard. One wrong move, and would they be lost in a sea of fat? He counts his ribs again._  
_

_Bones are thinker than flesh and blood. Bones are all we have._

He loves the feel of his ribs.

He really _was_ a bonebender.

* * *

"Spirits..." Lin Beifong mutters, looking at the file folder, "Please let me be wrong...Please don't let it be you. I_ trusted_ you, damn it! But you lied! You lied to everyone you ever met!"

Green eyes and a twisted smile stare back at her from the mug-shot. The ID card in his hands reads Number: 7730-192

The newspaper's date reads from fifteen years ago, and burns the back of her eyes as she reads:

** "Convicted Earthbender man from Omashu escapes prison after two years in solitary confinement. ****Serial killer who states that everything he does is for'justice' has been known for child abduction, and possessing the immoral and nearly unheard of skill of '_Bonbending'._** **Omashu troops lost track of him crossing the Earth Kingdom borders, and out into the Cha Mung Sea on stolen military boat. Anonymous reports claim he seeks to make a new life in Republic City. Further investigation is ongoing. Any sightings, report immediately to the police."**

"I trusted you, Shu." Lin says, "You were Ning's best friend."


	7. He Who Fights Monsters

_You are_

_what_

_you eat_

_._

_-They always say they're concerned about me, about my health, when all they want to do is control me. They want to pin me down and force-feed me with lies, with what they call 'love'. Like prisoners everywhere, all I have left is the power to refuse._

_-ProAna_

* * *

Mako's sorry.

He's sorry, and he hates it, because he's had to apologize too many times in his eighteen perilous years.

The first time he remembers feeling sorry, was when he was four and the way the curtains sparkled wasn't due to the sun coming in through the windows at just the right angle.

The fabric got eaten away, the flames devouring the lace with a trace of smoke that never really left the room no matter how many scented candles his mother bought.

She would always say that it wasn't his fault, and of how proud she was that he was just like her, now, _you're a Firebender just like Mommy, Mako!_

But Mako was sorry. Sorry because those were his mother's favorite curtains, brought over from the Fire Nation, belonging to a woman with the same last name as her that he had never met, and the fire hadn't even asked first.

He saw hunger in a way that destroys everything its craves.

_Mako, what do you say to your brother?_

_Sorry, Bolin. I didn't mean it._

_That's okay! We can play together!_

The second time he's truly sorry, is the night his mother and father are blooded and burnt, whispering love to him and asking him to be a good boy and protect his brother. The red scarf is being wrapped around him, and he thinks he's _sorry, so, sorry, daddy, I didn't mean to be a bad boy,_ because he is only eight and can't be a mother/father/brother/everything when he doesn't even know how to let go and stop crying.

He's sorry when he has to steal from old ladies, and vendors, and stores, because even though he knows the ends justify the means, his parents raised him to be better than that. He's so sorry when Bolin cries for food and warmth and he just_ can't/can't/I'm so sorry,Bo/ try to go back to bed, okay?_

He's sorry for a lot of things, but empty stomachs out weigh empty promises- as least they _used_ to.

And now he's eighteen and sitting on the couch in their new apartment, and _damn it he hasn't cried like this in years,_ but none of that matters anymore because 'sorry' won't make his brother happy or smile or stop a slow suicide in the making from taking away the last family he has left and _he's sorry, he's so sorry_ he hasn't been a better brother, a better son, a better everything/mother/father.

The scarf- the stupid, damn, friggin scarf that was supposed to keep _him safe damn it, you promised!_- is disregarded on the table because it's nearly noon and his brother hasn't come out of his locked bedroom, and hasn't made a sound to indicate life, and is wasting away in his own pain-feeding mind and body and it all his fault.

_It's all his damn fault._

He doesn't understand. Why would his brother do this to himself when they both know how hard it was to live in the streets? They grew up worrying about their survival, whether they'd have a shelter or food, so_ why?_ Why now when they finally have a stable life style? Mako was disappointed, not at his brother - no, never his brother. As a big brother, Mako should have noticed, he should have known. The firebender should have seen the way Bolin's cheeks sunk in as the weeks passed by, he should have realized that he hardly ever touched his food; he should have been a better brother.

_You're horrible,_ a voice hisses in his ears, _a horrible brother, you failed your parents and him._

He doesn't know what to do.

_Losing, _

_losing, _

_lost._

"I'm sorry, Bo._ I'm so, so, sorry..."_

* * *

It's nearly noon, and he still doesn't want to move.

Or blink.

Or breathe.

The bed is much too tempting, despite his fat trembling the mattress every time he shifts, or rolls over, _because he feels like he wants to peel his skin off._

His skin is crawling with shivers, shivers, _shivers,_ ( _he is an icicle, a winter's chill frozen to the alley wall, blue and purple, so numb it hurts_)and he can't remember the last time he felt warm, and the only reason he is contemplating wanting Mako is so he can burn his flesh raw and heat him from the inside out so he can stop his teeth from chattering and-_more blankets._

He needs more damn blankets.

But, that would require him actually shifting his muscles, getting up, willing his mind to work, going all the way down the hall to the closet, and facing Mako's puppy-dog eyes, and probably some stern, yet crappy heartfelt talk and...he really... just doesn't feel the worth of the effort...

So he'll lay here and freeze to death. Not like he really cares much recently. The Fire Nation in him must have forgotten itself, because, _don't we have extra body heat, Mako? That's what Zolt said. That Firebenders are hot and the best and no cold can hurt us? I wanna be a Firebender just like you!_

_Don't listen to him, Bo. Zolt doesn't know anything. We're normal just like every one else, and get cold, too._

_Oh... Is that why Daddy gave you his scarf? To keep you warm?_

_A swallow, and a misty-eyed dip of the head._

_ ...Yeah, Bo...That's why..._

He whimpers from his head pounding once more. At least the one good thing about this Cold is that he's loosing calories. Shu's voice in his mind says that he is thinking smart.

But the pulse in his head is like a beat all its own, _thump, thump, thump_, against his skull, and in-between he tries to drown out Mako's calls from down the hall.

Like Mako actually cares.

But somehow, he must wish that he does, because the water from his eyes is salty and sad, and is not from the glasses he gulps down before the toilet helps him get Better.

"Bolin...? Bo, it's me...please, Bo, _please_ open the door."

He buries his head in the pillows, curls his legs in and imagines _warmth,_ and maybe if he ignores Mako's knocking on the door, he'll go away and leave him alone in his weakness.

It's then that he realizes the cruel irony; that all his life he's fought to survive, and now, when they've made it this far- when _Mako's_ made it this far- he just...doesn't really care. That getting food to eat on a daily basis was something of a battle in and of itself, and now, the fridge is full, but he is empty...

And he doesn't know why.

He thought being a Bonebender would make him feel Great, Better, Amazing, Strong.

He doesn't want to move.

He closes his eyes again, but still can't sleep.

_So, uh...what should I be doing?_

_I don't know, Bolin._ _Figure something out._

Well, he has figured something out. And that's if he can't get Better, then he doesn't know what he'll do.

He can't remember the last time he felt in control. All his life, the streets threatening them with pain and sorrow, left them against the odds. He couldn't control where he slept, or who came to jump them, or how many hours he waited for Mako to come back from work. He couldn't control what or when they ate, when he got his bending. He had no control over the punishments the Triads gave them, or the jobs, or how many yuans he could hold at one time. He had no say over how much Mako cried at night when he thought he was sleeping, or the looks people would give them as they walked down the sidewalk.

He had no control over all the _stupid situations_ had always got into, or how many times Mako had to save him because, _you should put the little runt on a leash, or something. The kid never does what he's told._

But this. At least he could control_ this._ He had this power now. He had something that could change all that, and no one would ever laugh at him again.

He was In Control.

He moans and folds in on himself. Then why does he want to never move again, yet run a mile, cry, and scream all at once? Why-?

Just then, the lock jingles, and his eyes snap open in alarm.

The door opens, Mako somehow having picked it, and his brother's face looks like a dried up river.

_He knows,_ a voice hisses,_ you lose; you might as_ _well start eating now and give_ _up._

"Bolin..."

He groans and rolls over.

A hand on his shoulder makes him flinch, and he feels the bed shift with Mako.

"Go away." he mutters.

A shaky sigh leaves the Firebender's mouth,"Bolin, please."

"What."

"_Look at me.__"_

Bolin tilts his head just enough for his eyes to meet Mako's, and the Firebender sucks in a pained breath, knowing that was all he was going to get. Fine. It was more than he had gotten all week.

"Please, Bo," Mako mumbles, the hand on Bolin's shoulder shaking slightly. "I know you're hurting, but, please tell me what's _wrong_. Because," Mako swallows, "I know I've been a bad brother recently...and I just...I don't _understand._ I don't understand why this is happening or where it's all coming from, Bo." he says desperately,"A-and it's probably all my fault, but I have to know, so _please_. Talk to me. I can't stand to watch you like this anymore!"

Like what? Being useless? That must be very hard to watch, considering he's only been this way his whole life.

He shifts on the bed.

"Bo?"

"I'm fine." he mutters. "Leave me alone."

Mako closes his eyes tight, pained, and it almost looks like he'll explode from the emotions on his face.

"Are you lonely?" Mako asks quietly,

No. He has Shu. Shu is the only one who cares.

"Because I'll take off some hours at work, Bo, okay?" he listens as Mako continues, "We can spend more time together. Will that make you happy?"

Bolin was silent. Mako pulled his hand away, and Bolin turned his eyes back to the wall.

Mako snapped.

"For Spirits' _sake_, Bolin, talk to me!" He yelled. "I'm trying to help you and you won't say a damn thing to me. This isn't you," Mako was fighting tears again. The more Bolin seemed to ignore him, the more his eyes burned.

"I love you so much, Bo, I can't stand- I can't stand seeing you like this! It's killing me, it's killing Korra, everyone!" Mako paused for breath and a reaction from Bolin- of which he got none. He wiped his eyes.

"What would mom and dad think of you if they saw you like this?" He thought for sure that would get Bolin to do something, at least. But there was nothing. Not a word, not a shift of his head. _Nothing._

"Dammit, Bolin, please…talk to me! Do something! Anything…" Mako wiped his eyes on his sleeve.

"Tell me _something_. Tell me what you're thinking. _Anything_."

"I'm a horrible person, okay?" he states flatly, as if this was a cold-hard fact.

_"Bo..."_

"As if you actually care." was the bitter reply. Mako swore he saw tears in the younger boy's eyes.

Mako's eyes were wide, his voice weak, "I've always- _always_- cared. You're the one who doesn't anymore."

"Oh, so now this is _my_ fault!" he suddenly erupts. He turns now to face Mako, eyes firey,"You don't understand. You don't understand _anything! _You don't _know me_! You have no idea what goes on in my head, or what I feel, so stop acting like you care!" he screams.

Mako gazes at him incredulously, eyes getting misty again. He reaches for Bolin, but with every bit of strength the younger boy has left with his frail form, he shoves him away, "This isn't about you! This is about me, damn it! It's about getting Better and _'figuring it out' _and Winning! I'll show you! I show you, you'll see!"

"Show me what, Bo?" he asks desperately, because he knows Bolin won't believe anything else he says.

Bolin's breathing heavy now, eyes flashing and hands trembling and Mako wonders, _how did he let things get this bad?_

"Bo..." he says slowly, "Please, I can't stand to watch you kill yourself! Don't you understand what you're doing? I can't-_won't_ lose you to this!" he takes his shoulders and shakes them, wildly.

Bolin twists away and lays back down, "You've already lost me." he whispers and closes his eyes.

* * *

_Eleven years ago: Outside Republic City Police department_

* * *

The earthbender steps out of the building with tired eyes, and splotches of oil as he delicately wraps his red scarf around his neck. He looks left, then right, trying to find his person, whom of which steps out of the side door with just a tad too big of a smile on his face.

"Shu." he says grimly and walks over to the other officer.

"Ah, Ning! How are you, pal?" the man turns when he sees him, and gives him a pat on the back.

"Actually, quite upset."

The smile falls from Shu's face, "What's the matter?"

Ning gives a long sigh, "Shu, I don't know how to say this, so I am just going to come out with it."

Shu raises an eyebrow.

"Has it been you?"

Shu waits for an explanation.

Ning shakes his head bitterly, "I don't know how you do it, Shu, but those animal deaths...I've seen the books you've been reading; the one on anatomy and the other one on sensing another's _Chi._ So, what? Are you doing some kind of, like, evil bending? What are you toying with?"

Shu laughs a mirthful laugh as if he found this the funniest accusation ever. Ning blinks.

"Ning, my friend, you worry too much. Okay, you got me!" he retorts 'sarcastically' holding up his hands in surrender, "I am really a psychopath who finds pleasure in hurting animals; arrest me now officer!"

Ning looks annoyed at the lack of seriousness. "If you were not my friend that I've known for years, and a fellow officer, I'd be tempted to assume as much." he remarks, "But those dead animals that were found in your back yard were in _cages_, Shu! They were sacred, living creatures who did not deserve to-"

Shu sighs, annoyed, "My, you sound like an Airbender with all this 'sacred creatures' talk. Why don't you just go join the Acolytes and preach to them instead?"

Ning grunts and pinches his nose, "Shu, please. I tell you this because I care. I do not want to see you get in trouble."

Shu smiles, but something fierce flashes in his eyes. He slugs his arm around Ning's shoulder, " And I, my friend, care for you. Which is why you don't need to worry. You stay out of my business, and I stay out of yours. Seems fair; no cause for alarm." he states, "Well, I better be going."

And Ning gazes wearily after Shu as he goes down the street and turns a corner. "Which only makes me worry more..." he whispers, but his words are carried away in the with a tuzzle of his red scarf, as if in warning. A sense of dread claws its way into his stomach, and the earth cries out her sorrow.

.

That night, Ning would remember being waken by his younger son, his tear-stained green eyes and trembling lips exclaiming his nightmare about a green-eyed monster breaking his bones and swallowing him whole.

Azara rocks him back and forth with kisses and coos, later chalking it all up to some kids in school making up scary stories. But Ning has an awful sense that sometimes, monsters can be real. And those who fight monsters, are always threatened with becoming their worst nightmare.

.

Ning looks in the mirror:

And sees his face looking back.

* * *

_...he believed that if you wanted to get rid of a hole, you filled it. He had not realized at that time that there were all sorts of fillers that took up space, but had no substance. That made you feel just as empty._

_-Jodi Picoult,__ Perfect Match_

* * *

It rains like noodles on a heaping bowl of scrimp the next night, the streets wet like salty miso sticking to everything, and somehow, he manages to wonder, crawl, _slug along_ out of his bed from his-_Mako's apartment, _because it's not like he does anything there besides sleep/starve/eat/puke/breath/ rinse/repeat anymore-, and shuffles his way over to a particularly muddy spot.

He plops down, his sagging limbs too tired and sore to hold up anymore, and he thinks _this seems a good place to sleep_, _earthbender heaven, maybe I can just die happy here,_ and feels the wet mud seep into his pores.

He spreads the mud all over himself-(_it is the icing and he is the cake, and who doesn't love cake, right? Everyone loves cake! LOVES IT!)_- until he is a wet mess of brown slime, and he is just laying there in the park with only his head sticking out. His skin absorbing all the moisture, and he vaguely thinks this is bad, bad, _bad_, he is going to swell up like a balloon-

But maybe that wouldn't be so bad. Being a balloon. They are free and floating and can go so high that no one can catch them, and maybe if he pretends he is a free as a balloon, then he can ignore how much every muscle in his body aches, how even blinking seems to pulse his forehead, and how much of a big ball of utter CRAP he feels like.

Feeling like a pile of crap, while sitting in a pile of crap.

Huh. Well, at least he got something right.

Spirits, he was friggin hilarious! Why did no one laugh at his jokes?

He laughs to himself until his fat hurts, and _maybe if he eats the mud-icing_ _it will really taste like chocolate?_

He shivers, and mentally slaps himself.

_(No,no,no, shame tastes like acid and burnt chocolate; the brightest color, always look for the brightest color, eat your vegetables first, they are good for you)_

But it was either this, or have Mako take him to the friggin doctor, because _apparently_ he has a problem and is depressed( _friggin Asami_) But wait-he can be saved! There is hope for him yet, yes!

See boys and girls? Do you see him now? The famous Fire Ferrot Bolin, Bolin-the-Great, not Bolin-the-Orphan! He's over here in this mud pile, do you see him now?

_Ishestillinvisable?_

He puts more icing on himself until he is ready to bake, and wants to sleep at 350 degrees Fahrenheit so he will shiver no more. Sleep until he can move without groaning, and swallow without feeling a burning in his throat, and he wants to scream and cry and _should he really still care?_

He burns to a golden brown at -40 pounds, and becomes next week's leftovers.

_Twinkling__ amber eyes and long brown hair. Giggles and love, and a warm hand pushing him on a stool as he peeks his nose over the counter. Ingredients all spread out, her hands all coated in flour._

_Mommy? Can I help you with Daddy's biwfday cake, pweash?_

_Of course, sweetie! You can be Momma's little helper. Now...what do you think we are missing?_

_His eyes scan the counter top; seeing the neat carton of eggs, the creamy milk, the sugar._

_Hmm...extra icing!_

_A little laughter that he lives for. He smiles._

_That's my little Bo_._ Go wash your hands first, okay? It'll be an extra special surprise._

_Okay, Mommy!_

He opens his eyes to a blurry world, his clothes brittle and damp in his mud, and contemplates closing his eyes again, until a voice rings out from-somewhere? It's too much effort to turn his head left.

"_Bolin!_ Mako, I found him! He's over here!"

Him-? Mako-? Found...?

Oh.

Right.

_Crap._

Two forms, one clad in a red scarf, looking exasperated and frantic, comes over and puts his fingers to his neck. He keeps saying his name in a desperate voice.

_(In/out/ in/out, he guesses this means he's still breathing, all though the effort is starting to become questionable)_

The moca-and-blue-furry-wrapped-form does something with her arms, and suddenly, the slime is off him, revealing his gross body to the world, _no, no, no, that was his crap pile, damn it, he was so comfy _and oh, Spirits, oh, _Spirits,_ everything hurts, and his heart is pumping too fast-is this normal? His chest is on fire/burning/too much/ inside out/ pumppumppump/inferno.

Is he dying?

He closes his eyes.

He briefly wonders if he just skipped death, or if he is going to anyway.

Should he care?

"_Bo?_" the desperate voice again, "Bolin, can you hear me?! Please, wake up! Korra, we gotta take him to the doctor!"

One. Two. Groan.

He opens his eyes once more.

Mako. Mako's palms on his cheeks, stroking his head.

_"M-mako..._" he moans.

A relieved, choked breath.

"Bolin, are you okay? Talk to me!"

He winces, "_Hurts...ahhh..."_

He is fire/ice/broken/ something is in his throat, and he is drifting, drifting, and how can he feel so light and dazed when he is so full of fat and full of slime?

His vision is still blurry, but he thinks Mako's face pales ten shades. There is a wetness on his face and he doesn't understand, because he doesn't think it is raining...

"Spirits, Korra..." a pained voice whispers, "This is all my fault; I'm the worst brother ever! How could I have let him get this bad! How could I-"

"-Mako! No, you can't blame yourself for this! It's no one's fault!"

A bitter laugh, as something that feels like hands start to lift him up, "Like hell it's not my fault. He's my little brother, It's my job to take care of him!"

A defeated sigh, "Mako..." and he feels air beneath him; they must be carrying him now.

He wants to agree with the female voice; it's no one's fault... but his own. He is the worst ever, the horrible person.

He wants to speak, but he can't, (_ he is broken, floating, a horriblehorriblehorrible_ _person_)and all he sees across his vision before he goes dark are sad blue and amber and green eyes, and a half eaten birthday cake, a red scarf sticky with frosting, and a skeleton that looks so skinny and sad.

He lets the pain take him, and wash him away.

* * *

Korra is afraid.

She's afraid of a lot of things, but won't dare let anyone see it because_ the only thing we have to fear, are our own fears themselves._...or something like that.

She's not good with all that 'talky-feely express yourself blah'. She much rather get things done than mull over the earnest and sentimentality of a thousand ancestors departed and everything she isn't that Aang supposedly was, because _he was one of the greatest Avatars that ever lived! and the glory! What an honor to have lived during his Grace! Yes, what an honor!_

She's been afraid too much in her life, but never knew horror until it took her friend and closed its relentless grip on his body, and sucked out his heart.

But, she is afraid now, and finds no shame in expressing it when every time she touches Bolin's unconscious form, and it feels like she's breaking him.

Like one breath would blow him over and off the hospital bed, and he would explode into tiny fragments across the floor with more abundance than her tears because _why?_

_Why is he doing this to himself?_

She afraid.

She's afraid of what damage may be too far out of her control now, and everything she didn't say when she had the chance, is afraid of never seeing his smile again, and that no amount of her firebending or love may ever be enough to make his skin warm again.

_You are one of a kind, Bolin._

"And you still are," she whispers, as tears fall on his still face, "You were the first person to ever like me as _me_, and not care that I was the Avatar," she sniffles and whips a hand across her face, "You have no idea how much that meant to me- what _you_ mean to me. You're my best friend, Bolin. Please don't leave us."

She looks over, and Mako's face is still dazed and broken as he slumps in his chair, never taking his eyes off Bolin. Mako's caught in a hell; too afraid to touch him, and too afraid not to, so he just kind of suffers in this in between place in the room with his chair half way off the wall, yet not-quit-so touching his bed. His hand keeps flinching out, towered him, fingers needing to hold/comfort/fix, but the pain is too much and the fear of breaking/breaking/breaking him makes the silence in the room much too loud.

_"Korra..."_ he chokes out, the breath from his lungs crying.

She meets his flickering eyes, "I know, "she whispers, "Me, too..."

.

A grim, pity-faced doctor comes in and tells them How Bad he is, and What To Expect, and suggests they go outside to talk about How to Help, so Korra thinks that this is good/good/good because there must Still Be Hope, but Mako is not moving and refuses to leave his side.

"I'm not going anywhere until he wakes up." he states.

"I understand," the doctor replies, "but he most likely will not awaken for another hour, and this will only take a few moments of your time."

"I'm not leaving him."

"Mako-"

"_ No."_

"Mako..." Korra presses gently, for once being the force of reason, "please, the doctor is only trying to help. We should listen to him."

Mako shifts his eyes to her.

The man nods, "Yes, Mako, Korra is correct. You need to understand what course of action must be taken. I only have your brother's best interest in mind. My office is just on the next floor."

Mako's fingers intertwine with Bolin's, and for a moment, he rests his forehead gently against his, and Korra wants to cry, because she can see ten years of two, sad little boys in that one gesture, and it's then that she really understands that Mako would do _anything_ for him, anything to survive.

"Alright," Mako breaths, "Just for a moment."

* * *

He's alone when he opens his eyes.

He's briefly stunned that he is alive, and hears nothing besides the beep of the monitor, and his shallow breathing.

He's in the hospital room one moment, then he's back in a hell the next.

The memory and sensations hit him so suddenly and out of nowhere that he feels he might vomit then and there:

Lips on his own, hungry green eyes flashing at him, hands pulling his hair up by the roots against the wall, and controlling his bones to go numb to his mercy as he works his way into his mouth. The thrust of hips against his pelvis and teeth on his tongue, his moans to _stop, please, stop, no,_ but the voice purrs as he pushes harder to _don't fight it, my boy, just enjoy it, I would never hurt you._

Two pairs of bones shouldn't sound that way against each other.

_I feel like you're the only one who caresw about me._

_That is because I am the only one, Bolin._

In the end, he screams and cries, but no one ever came.

When he snaps out of it, he's going down the hospital halls as fast as his messed up body will allow (which is very slow and stumbling). He's somehow managed, in his freak out, to rip off the monitor without any one around to come rushing to his supposed death, and shuffle/crawl down the blurry hall. He slams himself into a storage closet, shoves his fingers in his mouth, and screams a black- ashy wail until his throat is raw with blood and he feels he might collapse.

Darkness/pain/hands/bones/tears/frosting/losing/

.

(Mako and Korra think they will never forget the sight and sound for as long as they live: Sprinting to the storage closet to find Bolin's skeleton form screaming bloody murder because his ugly body has too much pain to hold in a far more twisted and delicately cruel world.)

.

_In the end, we are all just dust_

_just ashes_

_shin and bones_

_take me apart_

_and show me my heart_

_to which I will atone_


End file.
